Seeing Green

Lunch was even green with Mac N Cheese and green yogurt for our apples! So fun!

They had a blast adding the food coloring and stirring it up! Notice the green plates too ;)

Even though my 3 and 4 year old boys can't seem to open the play dough by themselves, my Sadie had that booger open in no time! Holy moly!

We've never really gotten into St. Paddy's Day before, but we needed a little something to do today and I thought it would be fun to go all out...of course I mean in Shockley style, which really isn't anything big.

We made green eggs (no ham) and green milk this morning. It was so much fun!

Even Sadie was impressed. Not really, she's just a happy girl!!!

This afternoon we get to see Mama G and we are so excited! It's always fun getting to play and visit with our birth moms. And with what we've been through in the last couple of weeks, it makes us even that much more thankful for the sacrifices made for our children to be in our home and family.

I've not been really open about all that's gone on with Kennedy's situation, and while I still don't want to go into great detail about it, we've continued to go through ups and downs with her placement. So many people have asked when we tell them that we don't have her, "Is there a chance that she could change her mind?" Yes. And one might think that would make this loss and pain a bit easier. But when that possibility drags on, it becomes quite unbearable. It's so hard to grieve the loss of a child that you think still might be yours one day. I find myself doing everything I can to not think of her.

There are reasons I am talking about this now. One, we would like to ask you for prayer for peace for all of us, C especially. We've felt it strong and we know God is still near to us. Second, we want others to know what this feels like, not for sympathy, but others that are thinking about adoption to understand the realities of it (both good and bad). Disrupted placements are not what you hear about in the media, but they do happen. And last, I've never felt more frustrated that Cooper's Law is not in effect. My heart is so heavy for what our birth mothers have to go through in our state as they choose adoption for their child.

One of my friends said to me last week, "How are you? And you don't have to lie to me." She has been through this herself and she knows all to often when people ask that, they don't necessarily want to hear that your wondering about your baby. Thank you Kim for being so ready to listen to my heart.

All in all, we are doing well. Each day seems to get better, but I have to say that the fact things have been in limbo have worn me out. Yesterday, we decided that we are moving on like this will not happen. Again, I don't want go into the details of it because I know you are wondering why we didn't do that last week!

I came upon this verse yesterday and it spoke volumes to my heart. Hope it does the same for you!

"We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4:7-9

**Check out Owen's ashy knees! Mercy! I love that Sadie loves necklaces and jewelry!!!**

Happy New Year!

When Blake gets home he's got 3 little munchkins jumping on him! What a wonderful life! The boys got to watch the end of the OU football game together!

Not sure why she's putting her baby in the trash can? She sure does love her baby dolls!

Do you see those mini-puffs?!?! Are they not to die for?

Oh man, my heart is so full tonight. We have so many things to be thankful for that I am in awe.

We've almost been in Aspen for 3 weeks, and I can't believe I ever questioned if we could do this. It's been amazing to see how God worked all of this out. I've told Blake repeatedly how glad I am that we are here, it's so much more than I ever thought. Everything I worried about simply has not been an issue. God is so good!

I can't quit thinking about all that's happened this last year, and all that we anticipate in 2010!

Last year, we attended our first trans-racial workshop at Deaconess. It was life changing to say the least and sparked incredible conversation in my world. From that, came conversation and connections that led to the beginning of Chosen, our adoption ministry at our church! The workshop also led to Kaleidoscope Kids, our trans-racial adoption playgroup!

In February/March, Becki and I started talking about Cooper's Law...whoa...it's amazing to think about how God paved that path. Even though we don't know how it's all going to end, we do know that great change is coming in Oklahoma adoption law and it's so exciting for our family to be a part of this! Again, God is so good! From this we started the Promote Oklahoma Adoption blog!

What a packed year it's been! I could go on and on, but I will spare you! It was full of so many challenges and blessings at the same time! I can't wait to see what this next year holds!

In January and February, Blake will interview for fellowship positions and in April we will find out where we match and move for a year (August of 2011). It is such an exciting time for us to have a year long adventure for our family! So at the end of the year we should be getting our house ready to sell!

We are also praying that we will be blessed with another child this year! That's right...we are going for #4! While we know this process very well and we are so excited to see what God has in store for us; there are so many unknowns that if I let myself think about it, I'd go nuts! While we've been here I have been putting together our life book/profile book...it's so fun to get started again! Please pray for us in this that God will lead our family and our precious birth family.

Happy New Year to all of you! I pray that 2009 has blessed your family and strengthened your faith as it has mine! May 2010 stretch us all more!

Hmmmm?

Cutest bath full-o-kids EVER!

Sadie looking ever so cute in her hooded coat and boots!

Just wanted to touch base about today.

Not sure that anyone is on the edge of their seat waiting for this, but still.

So many of you have been so good at praying for us and Cooper's Law.

You deserve to know how today went.

The hard part is that I didn't expect that it would be received with great enthusiasm. I knew that.

But I also didn't expect what happened today. We walked out of the room feeling beaten down.

To be quite honest, I think I blocked lots of it out. Maybe that was God protecting my heart.

Mandy and I enjoyed sharing our story together...it was wonderful to say the least just standing up there together.

But then came questions and concerns...some of which were valid (fear of coercion) and some that just made me sad.

I won't go into detail because my point in this is not to offend anyone.

I thank God that Mandy was brave enough to join me today, because if I was standing up there alone...I wouldn't have had an audience at all. I was so proud of her. She was a champ. There were times I could tell it was hard to hear the things others were saying...those that had never been in her shoes telling her that she just didn't "receive the questions" as they were intended to protect her.

I thank God that Becki was there today as she was able to answer so many legal questions that I could not have (and also that she responds better to this type of situation!). There were several things said in response to our law that just were not true, and Becki knew it and identified the fact on the spot. She was good!

My parents were there too, and I was so proud of them knowing that it had to be hard watching two of their daughters and Mandy (whom they think is theirs too!) get grilled relentlessly.

Seriously....no one spoke up on our behalf. No one seemed to agree.

As hard as this was to take, I still felt God's presence and that we were where we were needed today. Mandy felt the same. I don't feel like this is the end. It might be. But I am staying strong and praying hard that God will show us what we are to do here.

**If any of you are close friends and want to know more details please email me. I am being vague here for a reason. Please keep this covered in your prayers.**

Mercy

Oh man, my stomach already hurts just thinking about the Adoption Task Force Meeting today.

If you can, please pray for Mandy and I today at 1:30!

The thought of her and I standing united and speaking about this together gets me so excited.

I love being with Mandy. I love hearing her excitement about this. I can't wait to see her!

The thought of Cooper's story and so many others gets me emotional about today.

The thought of our birth mothers who have been humiliated and dishonored in court, gets me emotional about today.

Please pray that God speaks through us and that all of our hearts are open. Pray that as questions come up we can all converse with walls down and emotions set aside.

Thank you will never be enough for your prayers, support and your emails and notes to the task force.

We'll keep you updated!

**And because no post is complete without pictures of my precious kiddos...**

This is an old picture I found on my camera. Can you believe this? Look at that belly and those thighs! Owen "learning how to ski". I guess we've been talking about Colorado a lot lately and he's excited to learn how to snow ski! How funny is that?

This is what happens when daddy puts the kids down to nap and then falls asleep before they do! I had to get a picture. He slept here for hours! And he had beautiful carpet marks on his face!

Um. She might have seen me use the cell phone a time or two! I love this one because you can tell she's listening!

Oh my **EDITED**

So yesterday I got an email from Representative Nelson. He sent me the agenda for the next meeting....and I am on it!

Part of me is thrilled to pieces, but most of me is SCARED to death. If you know me, you know I do not like speaking in front of people. I can handle a small group of people that I know, but beyond that...whoa. My belly hurts just typing this! But then when I get to thinking about why I am nervous its because I am making this about me (you know, that I will look like an idiot up there). But this is not about me.

I am telling you this to ask for prayer on October 15th at 1:30. Please pray that minds will be open (including mine) and emotions will be set aside for a great discussion of this highly sensitive subject of Cooper's Law. Please pray that I will not have an agenda, but that God will use me as according to His plan. As the author of adoption, I do believe He cares about this subject. I cannot say enough that I do not want this to happen if it is not right.

**I just got another email from Representative Nelson asking if I would bring Cooper's birth mother with me!!!! I called her and she was so excited to be a part of this. How incredible is God for working all of this out?!?! Thanks for all of your wonderful notes and encouragement!**

Thank you all for emailing Rep. Nelson and Senator Russell. Thank you for all of your support up until this point! Keep the prayers coming!

Random pictures of the week

We've all had a bit of a cold this week, so we've been laying low.

Just wanted to share some pictures and say thanks for all of the prayers and support with Cooper's Law.

We are making some great progress. If you know any senators or representatives, this would be a great time to contact them and explain Cooper's Law. If they can contact Representative Nelson or Senator Russell, that would be incredible help!

Owen and Josee on the rhino at the zoo! Today we had our monthy Kaleidoscope Kids playgroup! So much fun to hang out with families that match us!!!

The funny thing about this shirt...as much as I love it, I feel like I just labeled my child when he wears it. I hate when people introduce my children as adopted. I don't care if people know, or if it comes up in conversation...but it's completely different when someone says, "This is Molly and her adopted son Owen." Do you get my drift? They are my children, and they happen to be adopted. It does not identify them, it's just a part of their story. Anywho, the first time he wore this shirt out in public it hit me that many will not get the meaning behind Adopt(ed) and will assume I am announcing that I adopted my kids. Oops!

Sadie being sassy with her boots on! Man, I love having a daughter and all of the fun stuff that goes comes with girls!

Making malts with daddy! We actually haven't made malts in quite some time and thought we better before it gets too cold! The kids loved it!Think we need a bigger stroller? Or maybe we should suggest the big guy start carrying his own weight!

Notice Cooper handing out the goldfish...I love those little things you catch them doing. So cute! We took a family trip to the zoo on Sunday morning! Our church started Saturday night service, which is when Chosen (adoption ministry) meets, so Sundays are totally free now and we love it!

Sadie getting frustrated that she can't get the drawer open for a sippie cup. How can you resist that face? We were getting ready to go to church...I don't dress her like this for playtime, I swear!!!

Funnel cake and corn dogs

Oh man. Something about having kids has made Blake and I state fair people.

We get excited to go now, and could have cared less before kids. There's something about watching them in awe of the lights and animals and rides. It's priceless.

So yesterday Blake got finished early with work, joined me at the Adoption Task Force meeting and then took us all to the state fair!

Here are some pictures from the fair! We had a blast!!!

Hope you're having a wonderful weekend!

Pits and Aspen

It's been a busy day...

I will start with my pits.

I got a call this afternoon from Representative Nelson's office asking if there were anyway I could meet with him @ 4 to discuss Cooper's Law!

I jumped at the opportunity and praised God for His timing! I had just come home from dropping the kids off at Blake's parents house for the night! I had the afternoon to myself and had no time to get anxious about this!!! (Well, okay I got anxious wondering why God was having me talk about laws? I am so not qualified.)

Thank you for all of you that prayed for me. Bad news first: I completely pitted out my shirt because I was so nervous! I tried to capture a picture of it because it was quite hilarious, but it just didn't do it justice. Good news: I didn't throw up and...

HE SUPPORTS COOPER'S LAW!!!!

Praise God for getting this into the right hands. We sat and discussed what some concerns might be and how we should handle that. We discussed why this needed to be changed and what other states already had laws very similar to this. It was such a wonderful meeting and he was so open to my concerns, and he felt this deep need to protect birth mothers. How great is that??? He gets it, from all angles.

He talked about how in trying to protect the adoption process, with this law how it currently stands, we've actually made it harder for birth mothers to place.

He wants to meet our precious Mandy and hear her heart on this law... How incredible is that? That's right Mandy girl, I'll be calling you to chat tomorrow!!!

Keep praying for this to move forward. As much as he supports it, he understands there will be opposition. He does not see this "moving to session" or moving this session??? See I shouldn't be talking about this. Essentially, this won't happen quickly because he felt like it was a big deal, but he said this law NEEDS TO CHANGE. It cannot stand how it currently does. Praise God!!!

On to Aspen...

So, you know how my heart has really been broken about this whole Aspen thing. To some of you this decision might seem so easy, but it has not been for me.

I have really been struggling with so much of this.

To be honest, I was struggling with what I would have to give up to be there for 3 months. Gag. I hate being honest about those shooie feelings. But that's where I have been.

I have been heartbroken about not being with Blake for 3 months and have tried to figure out ways we could cut that down (3 weeks here, 4 weeks there, 4 weeks here). But I had never conceded to the idea of us being there for 3 months.

Again, I know some of you are horribly disappointed in me, but my heart was just struggling and I felt I had good reason to struggle. Yes, I am 3 years old too.

But yesterday someone called me. Her name is Alli. She is a friend from church, a mentor from my MOMs Bible study. We have known each other for a couple years, but only had a few conversations outside of "hi" and "how are you?". She is precious. Recently she asked me about this year and I told her quickly of my struggle with Aspen.

She called yesterday and I missed her call, but called her back this afternoon.

The conversation that followed was clearly orchestrated by God. I struggled to talk fighting back tears. I quickly thanked her with a huge frog in my throat and hung up the phone and bawled.

I've been fighting God for months with this, and I seemingly had no clue. Because my concerns seemed 0h-so valid. Ugh.

Bottom line...I've not been setting out to serve my husband in this.

I've not been setting out to serve my children here.

This has been about me.

Gulp, sniff, bawl like a baby.

My goodness. God put my name on the heart of sweet Alli yesterday and she couldn't shake it. So she found my number and called me. She thought she was calling to see if we needed help finding housing (you know, 'cause that's what I have been blaming this on).

But I told her that last night we got an email from Colorado saying they secured a 2 bedroom apartment for us and it was close to everything.

She replied, "Well I thought you would have told me you were set then, you were going!" But I didn't. I was still struggling.

The conversation that followed is what made me so emotional. Blake needed me there. My kids needed Blake with them. Three months is long to these kids. Three months is a long time for a marriage!!! Why was I not doing this?

I know, to all of you, it's a "duh" decision. But for me, it's heart wrenching to admit that I wasn't choosing to serve my husband, but choosing what seemed easier for me. I wasn't choosing what would be best for my children and serving them...I was being fearful and not looking to God.

So, tonight I know one thing...we are ALL going to Aspen together. Our precious daddy who chooses to serve us with a job that is trying, needs our faces to come home to everyday. I have no idea how any of this is going to work out, but I choose to trust my God with each and every detail.

Thanks for the prayers and constant encouragement. Thanks for hanging in there with a low picture post!!!!

My goodness

There is a lot going on around here.

I am one of those girls that likes life simple and slow. So this morning as I was loading up the boys I noticed that I was short with Owen and that just kills me.

Lord help me to be available to be used by you, but also remind me that when I try and do things myself it exhausts me. When you use me, I am energized and not short with my family.

So here's a rundown of stuff I have mentioned lately and not followed up on...

The adoption ministry is going, going, going! We have only had three meetings, but we've accomplished a TON! We are starting community groups as a part of this ministry. If anyone you know has a need for support or a passion for adoption, foster care and orphan care please let them know we'd love to have them join us! We can't wait to see what all is going to happen not only in our church but in our city. Click on the "Chosen" button to the right!

Adoption task force meeting... Cooper's Law is one of those things I need to let go of. I need to just lay it at the feet of my Savior and let Him do this. I have heard nothing back from the Senator or Representative that we've been contacting. Maybe I am being impatient, I don't know. I realize they have a lot on their plates. They were planning on asking families to share at the September 18th meeting, so we'll know before too long if that is going to happen. I am tired...I know, I lose steam quickly...I would make a poopy politician, huh?

When I was asking you to spread the word about Cooper's Law I shared some pictures from the day we lost Cooper. I forget that some of you reading this don't know us and know our story. I still think that there are 4 people reading this, and they are my immediate family members!!!! So, two LONG days after we lost our pumpkin, we got a phone call from his precious birth mother telling us to come pick up our son. We BUSTED it to Edmond to the maternity home to get our precious Cooper. I think I loaded his car seat back into the car in 20 seconds flat.

There are a dozen incredible miracles that happened through our journey with Cooper, but one of the things that I cherish was the way it changed Blake and I. The world just wasn't the same. We have a new appreciation for everyday and we have a new tolerance for things that used to drive us batty. One of the things that is most dear to us was our appreciation for birth mothers and what they go through in the process of placing a child. It's something that we experienced to some extent when we lost Cooper... So, 5 days before Christmas 2006, we got the most wonderful gift of our son...again! Now you know the rest of the story!

Aspen...Oh man, we don't know anything more about Aspen and I am getting cold feet. Just being honest. I am nervous about either option-being gone from all that we get to enjoy here, and even worse being away from our precious daddy and husband. Lord help guide us on what is best for our family.

Kaleidoscope Kids is our transracial adoption playgroup. If you have adopted transracially, please join us as we get together with our kids so that they can be around other families that resemble their own. In September we'll be going to the zoo! Email me and I will add you to the group! mollykshockley@hotmail.com

**Notice Sadie's puff ball-pig tails??? Oh man, I LOVE these mini-baby-puffs. Yum!**

And most importantly...these munchkins of mine are constantly making me stop and take time to thank God for making me their mommy and Blake their daddy. Not an hour goes by that I don't think about how incredibly blessed I am to parent them. Not a day goes by that I don't praise God for creating their birth moms and leading them to us (and then agreeing to have open adoptions with this kooky clan of ours). Last week we got to see Sadie's birth mom and it was complete joy. It's so wonderful to have a relationship with her and for Sadie to KNOW her, not just know of her. Have I told you how much I love open adoption?

See ya Thursday for Sadie's birthday. I feel like the more I say it, maybe I will actually believe our baby is turning one! And yes, you don't have to ask...I have the baby bug....again!

I'm begging you!

If you live in Oklahoma, or know someone that does...I need your help!

Most of you know that for months now we've been working to draw attention to some adoption laws that we believe need attention.

In this mission, I have found an incredible team of professionals that come together monthly to address such needs in the adoption community. I have attended the last two adoption task force meetings and I am continued to be amazed at what all these people are doing. It is such a privilege to just be able to hear what they are doing and watch it all happen right before my eyes. There are judges, DHS representatives, adoption agencies, a public defender and now a birth mother, an adoptive mother and an adult adoptee.

At this last meeting Representative Jason Nelson shared that he has received a lot of requests for issues to be addressed by the task force. I am hoping that some of these requests were about Cooper's Law, but I know that there are lots of adoptive families out there that feel the need to have their concerns addressed! Then he asked the task force if they would be okay asking some families to share with the group their story and why they needed the task force to consider their concerns!!! I was sitting in the back of the room and almost fell out of my chair. How cool would it be for Cooper's Law and Cooper's story to be shared with so many that feel just as passionate about this as I do???

So, I am begging you. If you haven't written Representative Jason Nelson or Senator Steve Russell yet, please do! If you have and you could do so again, PLEASE DO! From what I understand this task force has a lot of weight on what issues in adoption will actually be addressed or changed! If anyone will hear me out, it will be this group. If you do write him please make reference to Cooper's Law. If you know of a personal adoption story in which you think relinquishment in the hospital could have kept an adoption in place that ended up falling through, please share that in your letter or email. Remember that our intent with this change is to protect the child and the birth parent's choice. Our goal here is that birth mothers who want to sign papers in the hospital (or at their agency) can do so without having to sit before a judge.

You can share my name if you want, but you don't have to. I am going to write them again today (for the 4th time). Oh my goodness, I can't believe I have become "one of those people"! But, I will never forget those weeks as we were losing Cooper and feeling so helpless. There was nothing we could do to keep him. I think that feeling is fueling me. In the midst of that journey I felt like it was just a part of adoption and something that had to be risked, but now I know better. Many states are doing this differently and there is no reason why we should continue in something that is not working. And because of that, I feel like I have to at least try to do something. These are 3 photos that were taken the day we had to say good-bye to our sweet baby boy.

On another note, many of you have asked if I had heard if I had been chosen to be on the task force. I found out yesterday that I did not. I joked about not being qualified, and boy was I right! The mom they chose is a wonderful pick as she wrote the bill that in its approval put into affect the adoption task force...she deserves to be on it!

Let's get busy writing some letters/emails. If you click on the representative or senators names it is linked to their info. If you can only write one, please address Rep. Jason Nelson as he was the one addressing the task force with this idea! THANK YOU IN ADVANCE!