I Cannot

I cannot keep my house clean...but I still try.

I cannot be the best wife ever, but I believe I am the best for Blake.  And dang...how I love and adore that man.

I cannot possibly be the mother my kids need me to be 100% of the time, but I do believe in a God who reaches across that gap and uses me just.how.I.am.

I believe in Phil 4:13 in a deeper way than I ever have before.  When I gave my heart to Jesus, HE MAKES ME ABLE.  When I daily rely on Him, He uses me just as I am.  Because I have nothing more than any other human being to bring to the table without Him. 

And I believe He has used these books to awaken my heart, to strengthen my walk with Him...to open my eyes to so much that I have chosen not to see.  I have known for years that God was asking us to do something with foster care, but we couldn't figure out what.  And its been through these books, that we have been challenged to see that we won't necessarily feel "a calling" to one certain thing.  That we may not feel "peace" about what God has put before us.  But He still asks us to do it.  He commands us to, in fact.  We don't need to have all the details worked out before we say YES.  We don't need to be able before stepping up.  Phil 4:13 says He makes us able.  He just wants us to come to Him and lay down our lives, our plans, our dreams, and know that He is worth it all.

These books have made me question so many things, and taken me to places of freedom in Christ that I have yearned for.  I have never felt so free in Him.  I am so thankful for where I am today, and I am more thankful for my precious husband than I think I have ever been.

But I also feel so much conflict with the world around me.  I see loads of Halloween candy and my heart breaks knowing how that candy got to our shelves in the grocery store.  Please, I beg you, read about forced child labor and slave labor regarding cocoa beans and every major American chocolate company that purchases these cocoa beans is full aware.  Please do not buy chocolate this Halloween!!!

I feel conflict with how much money is spent frivolously while so much of the world is dying of starvation.  I can't get past 26,000 dying daily from lack of food.  But I have peace in knowing that Blake and I can make choices to live differently, I just wish it didn't come with so much uproar from the world around us.  We are the weird parents.  I just pray they don't hate us for it, but rather know Jesus deeper because of it.

Last weekend I sat in church with a new lovie on my lap from the shelter.  She didn't want to leave me for big church, so her 6 year old self got right on my lap to take it in.  And.I.wept.  I cried out to Jesus during worship knowing He fully understands her precious situation, and why she is hurting...while I do not, I am the one physically holding her, kissing her, and begging for comfort thru Him for her.  Both her and her little sister ached for their mama all weekend, and I cried with them telling them I am so sorry that she is not here.  Taking them back to the shelter was enough to break me...her little body clung to me like a spider monkey and she bawled asking me not to leave her.  Two workers had to peel her off of me. 

As you might imagine, we've applied to be an emergency foster home through Child Share Circle of Care here in Tulsa.  Emergency is different than traditional foster care in that it is short term placement so that younger (birth-5 years) do not go to the shelter before finding long term foster placements.  I can't explain the rest this step has brought to my soul.  As overwhelmed as we are with 4 children, we still feel like God is asking us to trust Him and do this. 

This was done for a local church (our friends church) in plea for the church to step up and take this problem head on...


They are His Children from New Beginnings Church on Vimeo.

I cannot sit back any longer and wait for another day.  We are only promised today.  There will never be better timing.  There will always be something else....but I cannot sit still any longer.

Stir Crazy

I have been neglecting this little blog thing here.  But for good reason. 

God has moved something awful crazy in my heart.  My family thinks I need help. 

I am not a reader.  I rarely take the time to read anything, and sadly even reading the Bible had become blah.  (horribly sad to admit because of my deep love for Jesus). 

One of the more influential women in my life (Jen Hatmaker) wrote a couple of books.  And I had to read them because I love her and trust her. 

Well then that led to me finishing a book in 3 days which is UNHEARD of for me.  I usually get the the very end and then quit.  Wha?

So from June-now I have not been able to stop the constant reading.  She mentioned several books and other friends did too.  I am hungry again for words from Jesus, even if it takes these authors hitting me over the head with the reality that I have been ignoring some pretty big things. 

Here they are.  If you are needing a good read and are ready for something serious to happen in your heart, you cannot miss these. 

Radical- David Platt
Crazy Love-Francis Chan
Kisses from Katie-Katie Davis
Interrupted-Jen Hatmaker
7- Jen Hatmaker

I cannot think straight I am so conflicted with our life in America and the needs of those around us.  How did I become so comfortable with this?  How did I not see so many suffering and truly believe they are my responsibility?  How did I miss that in the Bible? 

I am ashamed.  I am disgusted.  I am achy.  I am stir crazy for wanting to DO SOMETHING.  And poor Blake has known all along that I am odd, but now I want to be really weird and actually do what Jesus asked us to do...lay down my life for Him. 

In the midst of all of this wrestling in my heart, we have gone full force into the foster care ministry with our new church.  We are floored by the needs in our community and state.  So two weekends ago we brought home 2 kids from the shelter for 3 nights over Labor Day weekend.  Our church got involved with DHS in a program called Home for the Holidays.  The idea is for faith families to become certified (approved?) to take children from the shelter for a holiday weekend.  We were honored to join 13 other families from our church in taking home 17 kiddos! 

It was such a great experience.  Don't get me wrong...it's wasn't convenient (we already have 4 lovies).  It wasn't comfortable.  It wasn't easy.  But hello believers...God never told us life would be any of those.  He kept whispering to me all weekend when I would get discouraged, "Life is not supposed to be comfortable sweets."  How have I let myself believe these lies for so long? 

As we drove the kids back to the shelter I was sick to my stomach.  Every child begged to not go back.  Not for lack of love, cleanliness and care there, but it's a shelter for heaven's sake!!!!  Kids belong in families.  And I didn't have any good reason why the kids couldn't stay (besides we needed more training to be certified).  I have room.  I have Jesus.  This weekend just felt like a band-aide for this gaping wound that was in my city.  The reality hit me that why do I not think that these children are just as much my children as the ones God has already blessed me with.  Didn't He say they are all His?  None of them are really "ours".




Please watch this amazing video.  Pray with me about what God has already asked us to do.  God doesn't call us...He already commanded us to do this.  When we give our hearts to Jesus, then we must do as He commands. 

Consider reading these books.  I beg it of my brothers and sisters. 

Kid Talk

Day 2 with all 6 kids went great! I kinda feel bad because having the kids here is pure entertainment for my kids. So it's been really fun these last few days. Today we went to the park for 2 hours, had a picnic for lunch, played tennis, kickball, football, hit the swings and then loaded up for the pool! And I thought I got looks before...today we had ages 10, 7, 6, 5, 3 and 21 months!

Today the kids were talking and the word "mom" came up. The lil guy D said, "are you talking about her (to me) or your real mom?" I responded, "I am the real mom D, but do you mean birth mom or first mom?" Cooper jumped in, "I have two real moms!" It was so neat for my kids to feel comfortable talking about our unique family to these two. And hopefully allow them to see that they aren't alone in their transition...more kids than they could shake a stick at have more than one mama! Then D said, "I have like 17 moms!" He's a hoot!

I can't find my camera (hmmm) so I am sharing some more pics from my parents visit!!! Enjoy!

Day 1

So...I found a new blog.

I linked it to my adoption buddies blog list. Get ready. It should stir you. Especially if you live in Oklahoma. Its The Fostering Hope Project.

I just can't shake this pull at my heart for our foster kids. And this has been pretty steady for about 4 years. I hear stories that more families are pursuing foster care certification, more than ever...and that OK state DHS adoption numbers are at a national high...and then I keep hearing this from friends that are social workers and from those on the inside: our shelters and foster homes are FULL.

Today was our day 1 with foster care support. We've done a few things here and there to support our foster family, but today was the first day we would really be helping with daytime care.

I am not telling this because I am wanting to toot my own horn. But I am telling you this because there is no family less qualified to do this than us. Do we have our hands full? YES! Do we act like complete hooligans and circus talent most moments of the day? YES! Do I talk to Jesus every hour asking for strength and patience? YES! Do my kids disobey? HOLY MOLY YES! But here's the great part. God does this. Not us. And when we realize that, miracles happen. Is this convenient? No. May this be painful? Yes. But what part of life worth living is without those two?

And I can't help but think...how many more families might step forward to be a foster parent if they knew that 5 families in their church would do it with them!?!? This might just be less isolating. A little less daunting. Not so emotionally draining. That is my prayer for our foster family!

Guess what? We had a fabulous day with our new friends. God worked miracles today....drumroll please...The house was clean when Blake got home! Shazaam!!! Thank you Jesus!

Foster Care Support

Tomorrow we have our home study. Even though we should be old pros at this, I am still finding myself a little nutso on cleaning high and lo.

Our foster family got a placement about two weeks ago. We got to meet the kids the next day at the park, and celebrate a birthday with them the following week.

Wanna know how cool God is? When asking the foster mama if I could bring them some food she informed me that the little fella had type 1 diabetes. Shut.the.front.door!

We both got a little teary as I told her that I too had type 1, since I was 9. Oh it was so cool to get to talk about and answer questions and encourage both her and him. And how wonderful for her to know that she can leave him with us without having to worry about his diabetes care. We both giggled that we've never been so glad I had diabetes!!!

Back home in Oklahoma the shelters in both of the major cities remain crowded. Kids are having to sleep in the DHS offices. But I have so much hope that change is coming for these kiddos. Churches are beginning to understand the pivotal role they could have here, in caring for children.

So as Blake and I read the discipline guidelines for foster care and see that biting is not appropriate (what the?) we realize how desperate help is needed. Help with anything.

Show Hope

We Have No Choice

Bold statements here. God calls us to this. We have been made aware. And we have no choice but to do something.

"We should be leading the change on this, it's what Jesus calls us to do."

24,000

24,000 young adults age out of the foster care system every year...with no one to call their family.





If not you, then who will?

My Plate is Full

For the last several months I have been letting things slip.

I felt like I had good reason to not be the most responsible volunteer because of what was happening within our family. But now I have slowly tried to pick back up some of these duties.

It's amazing the balance it takes to soak in every second of life with Blake and the kids, and yet also live out my faith. Sometimes I say yes to things I shouldn't, and no too quickly because it's not comfortable to me. I am sure I'm not the only human that struggles with this, but it's been heavy on my heart lately.

SO, in May I have been playing catch up. We've been in touch with my Lil Sis in BB/BS, but we finally got to see her last week! It was so much fun! She had never met Sadie and Cooper was only a little guy (like 3 months) when we saw her last. This was such a wonderful time for me and the kids!

We met Little Blake (how funny that her name is Blake too!) when she was getting ready to turn 11...she is 17 now! Holy cow how time flies!

I just wish she was happy.

I've found great comfort and joy to be a part of the Waiting Mamas Group through Chosen! We meet every Monday night for coffee and just to check in and see how everyone is coping with the wait! Oh man...this has been wonderful for me! There are about 6 of us, so it's nice and intimate.

I finally planned another Kaleidoscope Kids play date for this weekend! This is our playgroup for families of trans racial adoption! We try and get together monthly, but someone has let this thing go too!!! Eeeeek! If you want to come just email and I will send you the details. mollykshockley@hotmail.com

May is also Foster Care Awareness Month. Chosen has had its fair share of loss within several of our families, so we've been kinda laying low and not taking on more than we can all handle. BUT, we have decided that we can at least pray for these pumpkins currently in our system! Chosen has enjoyed working with about 12 other churches in our city to make a bigger affect for the fatherless. This week we are all wearing bracelets with the first name and age of a child as a reminder to pray. Cooper is even wearing one...so sweet!

One thing that has been a huge relief for me....I am now officially a FULL TIME stay-at-home mom!!! I found out last week that because of the health care reform our hospital is trying to cut back and save money, and our department was cut almost completely. So, while this is very sad for people in our area with diabetes, as well as the other women I worked with...it was a relief for me! When I excitedly told Blake the news he said, "Now you can get that floor job you've always wanted!"

Punk.

Some of you don't know that I am the ONLY registered nurse who can't handle blood. Yep. You read that right. If it's squirting, it's guaranteed that I will be sheet white and on the ground in seconds. I went straight from nursing school into diabetes education (talking job, minimal blood). So Blake was just being a punk with his comment.

We are continuing to pray about another baby. While we still feel like there might be another child for us, we also know that things are getting ready to change drastically for our family. We have been waiting now for 2 months, and we will be pulling our profile in the next month if we haven't been picked. It takes about 8 months to finalize, and we are moving to Aspen in February (you do the math). We are trying to prepare our hearts and heads that we might not have #4, but also be ready for whatever God has planned for us and receive that with great joy and thanksgiving. We have already been blessed abundantly, I think you'd agree.

We've had some crappy weather lately in Oklahoma. This is us hiding out in the laundry room waiting for a tornado to pass. I grew up doing this, so it doesn't stress me out. We like to have snacks and watch a movie. I thought the helmets was a clever idea to protect the head. Of course they made me put one on too. I only release that photo for money. So you'll just have to imagine it.

So there you have it. That what's been keeping this momma busy!

Hello blogging world!

I don't think I've gone this long without blogging since I started this!

He wouldn't admit it, but that post for Cooper's birthday was done by Blake! Thanks honey for getting the video up and going for Cooper's special day.

So, we are in Tulsa with my family and are so enjoying seeing our cousins everyday and of course Noonie and Papa for breakfast and dinner! What a blessing this is to have family so close and available, especially since we won't see them for 8 weeks once we make it to Aspen.

Blake is doing well. Ends up we qualify for government funded housing in Aspen. That's how we compare to Aspen folk. I got a good giggle out of that. His hours have been incredible and the town seems really laid back...such a wonderful change from the trauma service that he just finished.

Yesterday our pastor did his sermon on adoption and how we are all adopted into God's family. He had asked me a while ago to videotape an interview with him and I was honored to do so. Yesterday he shared about the need as Christians to make room in our homes/hearts for children that have no family. Then he shared the video. Chosen had a booth out so that people that were interested in foster care/adoption could come by and check us out.

I have to say that I was overwhelmed by the stories and the response from the church. So many people in our church have wanted a ministry like this and were so excited to know what we were doing. We had a birth mom come by and share how God has been speaking to her about the need for her to serve in our church! We had adoptees and adoptive parents come by asking how they could help.

I was humbled to be a part of yesterday and cannot wait to see how this all unfolds for our church. If you want to see the sermon you can click here and it will take you to the church website. Go to quick links and choose "weekend message online". Then pull up the "There is Room for You" sermon.

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Blake is dying to see pics of the kids, so here are some random ones from the last couple of days. I haven't been that good at taking them! Sorry honey!

My birthday boy! Notice he's going the wrong way on the slide!!! See his party hat he made...that was one of the activities the kids did. Cooper just decided to color the top of his hat with markers! So creative, huh?

Does Owen look like he's trying to impress Anna? Is she not so cute?

These are the kids from our block (minus the Brooks 4). We are going to miss them so much!

Baylor and Owen doing a potato sack race! It was so much fun and I couldn't stop laughing at them falling all over the place!

Is this not hilarious? We bought clown hair for Cooper to wear since we did carnival games and face paint for his party. Sadie looked so cute with all of those curls!

Cooper checking out his cakes! I love this one below...my goodness I am so blessed!!!

These are just a few from Cooper's party last weekend. I will update with another post later with more pics. We had so much fun and were so blessed to be able to see our friends before leaving town!

Want one?

We've had so much fun working on Chosen.

It's been amazing to see how many people are excited about this ministry.

It's amazing to me how many people have felt that gentle tug on their heart to do something for children without homes...but just not known what they were supposed to do.

In preparation for Orphan Sunday (which is today!) the group had shirts made.

Aren't they cute?

They are our first fundraiser! All of the money raised will be used to touch the lives of these children.

I had to show them off! For anyone that wants one, we'd love to share! They are only $15. And even better. The family that is printing them for Chosen, is in our ministry and they are foster and adoptive parents! How great is that? We get to support them too!

There is a design for the girls/women and one for the boys/men. They come in all sizes, 12m to 4XL, but they run large!

On the back, you'll see our web address. It's not up and running yet, but we had to have it on the shirt for when it is!

If you can go to www.orphansunday.org at 4 o'clock this afternoon to be a part of the web cast in Nashville with Stephen Curtis Chapman!

Random pictures of the week

We've all had a bit of a cold this week, so we've been laying low.

Just wanted to share some pictures and say thanks for all of the prayers and support with Cooper's Law.

We are making some great progress. If you know any senators or representatives, this would be a great time to contact them and explain Cooper's Law. If they can contact Representative Nelson or Senator Russell, that would be incredible help!

Owen and Josee on the rhino at the zoo! Today we had our monthy Kaleidoscope Kids playgroup! So much fun to hang out with families that match us!!!

The funny thing about this shirt...as much as I love it, I feel like I just labeled my child when he wears it. I hate when people introduce my children as adopted. I don't care if people know, or if it comes up in conversation...but it's completely different when someone says, "This is Molly and her adopted son Owen." Do you get my drift? They are my children, and they happen to be adopted. It does not identify them, it's just a part of their story. Anywho, the first time he wore this shirt out in public it hit me that many will not get the meaning behind Adopt(ed) and will assume I am announcing that I adopted my kids. Oops!

Sadie being sassy with her boots on! Man, I love having a daughter and all of the fun stuff that goes comes with girls!

Making malts with daddy! We actually haven't made malts in quite some time and thought we better before it gets too cold! The kids loved it!Think we need a bigger stroller? Or maybe we should suggest the big guy start carrying his own weight!

Notice Cooper handing out the goldfish...I love those little things you catch them doing. So cute! We took a family trip to the zoo on Sunday morning! Our church started Saturday night service, which is when Chosen (adoption ministry) meets, so Sundays are totally free now and we love it!

Sadie getting frustrated that she can't get the drawer open for a sippie cup. How can you resist that face? We were getting ready to go to church...I don't dress her like this for playtime, I swear!!!

The Wonder of a Child

Today I was listening to my ipod cleaning the dishes while the kids were sleeping and heard this Mark Schultz song again. Here are some of the words:



"Oh child...Precious one,

Let your life shine like the Son.

Live with the wonder of a child.

Pray with your arms thrown open wide.

Love with the love that has no end.

Until I see you again!"




I love this song.




I love what it makes me think about.




I don't often live with the wonder of a child. I should. I have great examples around me all day long.


I rarely throw my arms open and plead with my Father. Don't get me wrong, I pray but its more of a conversation.


I pray that I love unconditionally and without end, but I know I don't get close.



As I read the words over and over again, I can't help but think of something that I've heard God reminding me over the last several weeks.



"It's not about me."



Ever since I shared about starting an adoption ministry I have talked to so many people about it and it's really been encouraging. But as soon as I start talking about the foster care part most people start getting uncomfortable.



I can't tell you how many people have said, "But I just couldn't do that. I couldn't fall in love with a child knowing that I could lose them." Then God says, "Well, this isn't about you!"



So when I hear that song say, love with a love that has no end that means to me, love when you know you might experience pain. Don't just love when it's easy to love.



When I hear the song say, live with the wonder of a child, I think about how our children would consider foster care. This is what Owen said to me last week,



"Mom, you know there are kids without families? They could come here and they would love our family. They'd be like, 'This is a great family' "



No lie. Out of the mouths of babes, huh? He knew about the children we spoke of a couple of months ago. I told him the things we were collecting were for some children that didn't have a mommy and daddy. Boy do kids remember things like that!



What if we lived with the wonder of a child? What if we loved without condition? Perhaps a child would feel the love of Christ that they might have never felt otherwise. I think that'd be worth the possibility of me losing a child, don't you?

Our group met again tonight to discuss more about what an adoption ministry would look like at our church. All I can say is that it was incredible and humbling to be a part of. There were 10 there from 4 churches and now we have 23 people that are wanting to be involved. And this is before we have even discussed this with our church! Can't wait to see what all God is doing here and it's super exciting! Please pray for me tomorrow as I discuss our dreams with one of our pastors.

Positive Protest Post

I got an email originally from the CEO of Children's HopeChest that asked for those who are upset about the movie, Orphan, to write a positive post about how their lives have been changed by an orphan or adoption.

I started writing that post, and whew! It will take an eternity to write that all out! You know I could go on and on about these 3 that have blessed me beyond words!
So, I decided to share something that's been on my heart the last 6 months or so. And to think that this movie made me sad enough to take the plunge! Just look at all the positive things that are coming out of that poopy movie!

I can hardly contain my excitement.

I am pretty sure its probably annoying my family how giddy I am about what's going on in my heart.

(This is Sadie just as excited about this as I am!)

Tomorrow night there are about 12 girls that are going to meet about the possibility of starting an adoption ministry at our church! Seriously, I could scream it every time I talk about it...I am THAT excited!

If you haven't heard of an adoption ministry before, then let me explain what I am dreaming. As a church, we would follow Christ in His call for us to care for the fatherless. There are so many ways that this could pan out. But I am thinking in every way possible we can support, encourage and educate those looking to adopt (international or domestic) or foster. There are LOTS of churches out there already doing this. This does not mean we are going to become or start an agency (lots of people have asked that).

We have received a TON of support from the Adopt(ed) ministry out of Tulsa. Please check out their blog linked to the right to see what they have been doing for over 2 years! It's INCREDIBLE the vision they have. Sometimes it scares me to look at what they are doing because I think, "There is just no way I can do this or have time to do this!" But then I remember this is not about me doing anything. This is about me being willing. This is not about me being able. I will never be able enough, but HE is able to use me as broken and nutty as I am. This is about me knowing that God has given me an unquenchable passion for adoption. He's placed that in my heart for some reason and so I am choosing to do something about it.

So if you live anywhere close to us (OKC) or even in the state please know that you are welcome to join us as we explore what God is calling us to. We have no idea how our church is going to receive this, but are praying that God is moving in the hearts of our staff and elders. If you are even thinking this is something you would like to know more about please check out the Adopt(ed) blog as they are doing a fundraiser for their ministry in Tulsa. They are hoping to share their ministry plan with other churches who are considering starting adoption ministries!

So this is my protest to the movie...we are going to start a ministry to encourage adoption and fostering!