First trim, first twists, crawling and more...

After Blake got home on Tuesday we all went out to dinner for the first time since Emery was born! We've gone out with other people, just never the six of us! It was so much fun and we only had one incident where Sadie followed a waiter to a table with food and was about to grab their food when I got to her. Close call!

Who wouldn't wanna come home to this? Waiting on daddy at the airport.

Sadie being silly!

Our dear friend Kari let us borrow her mini pack n play. We brought one (thank you Terra) but didn't think we'd have room for 2 normal sized ones. Who knew they made tiny ones? It's perfect! And has given us much better nights! Now Emery is in our room and The Bigs are in a room together.

She's on the move people!!! Woohoo Emme!!!! She stays pretty close to the ground; she does seem to be our most cautious child yet. Just watch...that statement will come back to bite me!

A lil finger play in school. Owen is confusing some of his lower case letters so I thought this would be a fun way to practice. And we got to cook in school too!

Someone had a rough nite...this was pre-mini-pack-n-play. She was up from 4-5 am so her and I went to the couch to cuddle the rest of the night.

Well, hello peanut! We had some really warm days, although this morning there is a beautiful snow coming down.

She doesn't do this all of the time...but it sure is cute when she finds that thumb.

Sadie wanted to go outside to play in the snow like this!

Sadie's first hair cut! It was only a trim, but I never thought I would take scissors to her hair! I've loved this new blog a friend showed me and I can't get enough of it. I felt like I knew a lot about how to care for their hair, but WHOA...I have learned so much more!

Essentially, this mama talked about how when they have tons of lint in their hair and you are constantly picking, it's a good reminder that you need a trim. What? Man, her hair looks and feels so much healthier. I was just scared to cut it because it took us SO long to grow the little that we had. See below picture for how much hair she had this time last year...

Emery got her first twists. Again, on this Happy Girl Hair blog I found has a video of how to do twists and why you put them in. Man, this one is a wealth of information!

Cooper's funny face cracks me up. After I did Emery's hair, Cooper loved it so much he wanted some. Why not? If nothing else I could practice sections and twists more...well, then Owen wanted some. Luckily they didn't last but 15 minutes with them in. I could not believe they sat for an hour and let me do this!

Can you believe how long their hair is?

Hair stuff and more

These are some pics I found from my mom's camera this week. I about died when I saw this and remembered how tiny sis was. These are some of the few that really show her size. Can't believe she is 6 months old and in the 50 percentile!

So...I am not sure if I am annoying you or not, but this is my blog after all and darn it...this book is good.

I will say it again....please read it. I've changed my stance though, even if you know not a single soul that has adopted transracially, you should still read this. If you are white, read it.

I've had a lot of conversations about race, racism and prejudice with so many people over the last 6+ years....that's why I am saying this. We all need this.

I am just shocked at how eye opening this has been. Black Baby White Hands has taught me so much and I am forever indebted to this man that so courageously wrote his story.

And for the hair title...another friend who has adopted pointed out these sites for hair care and WHOA! I'd better get to practicing, huh? I got nothing on these ladies...just look at Sadie's puffs.

www.keepmecurly.com

www.beadsbraidsbeyond.blogspot.com

Happy New Year everyone! Watch for a post later this week for pics of Emery's finalization!

Woot woot, we'll finally be complete...The Shockley 6! Sounds fabulous, huh?

Transracial Parenting Workshop #2

On Saturday our agency offered another transracial parenting workshop.

It was INCREDIBLE! If you are new here, you can catch the discussion that followed from the first workshop here. Also, these workshops are open to anyone, not just those who've adopted through our agency. I highly encourage any family to come to these (post-placement) as I have learned so much!

There was a panel of people touched by transracial adoption. A couple who adopted their 4 children 15 years ago, 3 of whom are biracial, and two adults (Sarah and Patrick) who were adopted transracially 30 some years ago. There was also a woman who has a transracial family (through an inter-racial marriage, not adoption) on the panel. Don't you love all this lingo???

It was so good to hear from families that have been through what we are going through. It was wonderful to see these two incredible adults THRIVE out of transracial adoption. Seriously, if our kids turn out like these two...we'd do cartwheels! They are such neat people that really embraced what their parents told them growing up....race is a part of who they are, but it is not who they are.

Sarah and Patrick both encouraged us to teach our children not to define themselves by race, but by our faith, personality, humor, intelligence, integrity, etc. It was so cool to hear them talk about some of the struggles they faced growing up, but that's all they were...struggles. Just like all of us face. Patrick talked about how he just didn't give it attention...he didn't have time for it. I love this. We can all decide what we will let affect us, and he chose to not let others opinions matter. He simply decided to shrug it off.

The couple that is currently raising teenagers was sharing some of the issues their kids are facing because of race. It was a good and gentle reminder of how our kids may all handle this differently, but I am SO glad they have each other to walk through this with. There may be things they don't feel they can discuss with us, and that's okay. I praise God for giving them siblings to share this with. That seems to have really helped this family.

Sarah shared about hair care and again it was so much fun to learn new tips from the group! I learned a new word...peppercorn (also known as a beebee?). Those are those little balls at the end of Cooper's and Sadie's hair that are tight tangles. Evidently I need to quit trying to comb them out of Sadie's hair and just cut them off like I did with Cooper's hair recently. We talked about new products and stuff to try. She highly recommended Carol's Daughter products so I am going to have to get some for sissy. We discussed silk wraps and pillow cases, conditioner and eczema...I am telling you it was GOOD STUFF!!!

I left this workshop feeling very encouraged and not as heavy as I did last time. Maybe it's because I prepared myself emotionally for the topic to be hard to hear. I think more than anything it was so good to meet these families and see that this was not going to be an uphill battle and an everyday issue unless we choose for it to be that. This is going to be a balancing act of trying to keep our little world diverse so that our children see people everywhere that are multicultural, but yet not giving race more attention than it deserves.

God keeps reminding me that we are all created in His image. This is what we will focus on in our family, being more like Him. God has given me the most incredible blessings in my family and a love that is so intense that I am constantly on the verge of tears. My children bring me the most amazing joy (see pictures below). I will not let anyone steal that joy. I will not let race issues, which is not of God, steal my joy or take my focus off of Him and His incredible blessings.

"Lack of Knowledge"

On Friday we completed our last post-placement visit for Sadie's adoption!

Now our paperwork will be sent to our attorney (Aunt Becki) and we'll file for a day in court!

Here is Sadie with our social worker, Sandy and Blake and I at the visit!

Sadie and momma outside while the boys play...we've had great weather lately.

Many of you have asked...we did not get to see Momma G on Thursday. We'll try again sometime soon, but thanks for the prayers.

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As a hair update, we tried some of the products that the stylist gave us and WOW...it's good stuff!

The boys LOVE it and that says a lot!

I went by her salon on Wednesday and picked up a bottle! If you're interested it's called "Mixed Chicks" leave-in-conditioner. They also have a website http://www.mixedchicks.net/

As you might imagine the boys ditched the hair caps (scarves). Owen said they made him hot! I am going to have to buy some satin pillows (Gigi already found some at Bed Bath and Beyond)!

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I have so enjoyed the comments posted over the last week about how to handle issues that may come up concerning race.

It has been so refreshing to hear so many people share their hearts about this topic.

I feel the need to explain a few things that perhaps I should have before the post on the workshop.

Blake and I know without a doubt that God chose these children specifically for us.

We dreamed of them for years and requested from the adoption agency to be shown to birth moms carrying brown babies. In college I remember hearing a Nicole C Mullins song that I think was titled "Cocoa Baby" and it made my heart flutter with hope that someday we could have a brown or black baby.

I don't want my concern in the last post to come off that this happened by chance or may have been something we didn't know we were getting in to.

We have always known we would be a colorful family.

It's just that as children become yours, whether through pregnancy or adoption, they become yours. We forget they were adopted and that they are any different from us. All of the things we wanted to be so intentional about in raising children of a different race simply faded.

If you've followed our blog for any length of time, you know that we do a lot in our lives to be intentional and sensitive about adoption and cultural stuff.

If you are friends or family you've helped us search for books with brown people, you've colored stockings to have brown ballerina's (thanks Gigi), given us biracial baby dolls, black cabbage patch dolls (thanks Vicki), and you've searched high and low for brown Willow tree angels for your nativity (thanks Noonie).

Our whole family has made adjustments to make sure our children feel loved and proud of their beautiful brown skin.

But, I forget about people who have a "lack of knowledge" (this will replace the use of the word racist-thanks Traci).

That is where the last post came from...

How do we prepare our kids for it and handle it?

I heard once that having children is like watching your heart walk around outside of your body.

That couldn't be more of the truth.

It's such an intense feeling of wanting to just pull your children in and lock them at home for fear they might be hurt.

But that is not what God has called us to.

So, thank you for all of you that shared and considered this with us.

The workshop was a wonderful reminder to be intentional about helping our children feel comfortable with their heritage. It reminded us to involve them in culturally norm things as much as possible. It brought to light how even though we live in a large metropolitan city and see lots of diversity...we still need to purposeful about things.

More than anything it helped me to remember how parenthood is the biggest thing I have faced in my life that has daily brought me to Christ.

There is no way Blake and I will make it through this without His guidance along the way.

We cannot do this without teaching our children about His love and perfect plan for their lives.

Trans-racial parenting workshop

We finally got a picture of Sadie and Turner together! They allowed kids 6 months and younger to attend.

As you can see, Sadie couldn't take her eyes off this handsome little guy! They are about 5 weeks apart...isn't that right Chassidy?

I want to share how much we loved the workshop yesterday, but in saying that I did leave there with a heavy heart.

I was so glad the morning ended with hair care because it lifted the mood for me!

Boy did we learn a TON of new stuff about hair care! The stylist that came and talked to us was excellent. She answered so many questions for us and I know saved me from buying some silly stuff for my kids' hair.

I wish I could sit down and write out everything that was covered about hair, but I couldn't possibly.

The things I loved the best were that just like all white hair is different and we can't use the same products...so is African American hair. There's really not one product that will fit all hair types! Makes me feel better about trying 100 different products on the boys! She also answered questions about swimming and shampooing...I could go on and on!

So, I went to the store and bought some satin wraps for the boys to sleep in. We'll see if they actually keep them on, but they loved the idea that DeMarco Murray and Gerald McCoy might just wear the same caps to sleep in!
Please don't worry, I am not going to put this on her to sleep in! The boys just wanted her to try it on!

So, if you need a good stylist, here you go! Get this, she is a multi-racial stylist and has worked on just about every kind of hair! Her name is Shiron Bullock at Evolution Salon (walk-ins are welcome)! Let me know if you want her contact info and I'd be glad to share!

The "heavy" part of the morning was the reality that there still is a lot of racism that goes on today.

It's not something that we have had to face, and something that Blake and I are blessed that our families never had issues with (I mean no one is racist).

So it's so hard to hear that parents still teach their kids ugly things about skin color, as if it's anything more than just skin.

Blake and I desperately want to be prepared for when our children are met with hatred about race.

We want to teach them, as we would with any other obstacle, to cling to their relationship with Christ. We do not want to live our lives in fear of racism, or always looking out for it, like we're on guard.

But we do want to understand that it is hard for our kids being raised by parents who don't look the same.

Honestly, it's a real struggle on how to balance these two things... We want them to have relationships with others that look like them, but we also want them to understand that looks are not WHO THEY ARE.

We are Christians and we want our family to be identified by and in Christ alone.

Hearing stories yesterday about how racism is hitting these children made me sick to my stomach just thinking of O, Cooper or Sis having to deal with it. But it also brought to mind a story that I hide in my mind and heart because it's incredibly embarrassing.

I want to share because it's true.

I want to share it because it helps to remind me of the reality of kids and humans.

I want to share because I came from a very loving, graceful, Christ-centered home.

So here goes...

I told a girl on the bus one day that she couldn't come to my birthday party because she was Jewish and didn't love my God! Yep, sure did. I was probably 5 or 6.

I went home and I guess told my mom, who was horrified (do you remember this mom?)!

Let me tell you that my parents have NEVER uttered a negative word about anyone of differing beliefs or race and certainly would not have spoken of leaving them out of something.

I have no idea where this came from besides I knew that I wanted everyone to love my God and perhaps this would convince her? I think I didn't quite understand God's message of "out of LOVE" at this point!

My mom immediately drove me to this poor girl's home and I apologized and invited her to my party. It was no surprise that she didn't join us.

It makes me want to die thinking of that and how I made her feel. I can't imagine what her mom felt or what she told her mom and what they thought about my family and Christians as a whole!

I am sharing because I know our kids' hearts can be broken for a million reasons...

I grew up worrying that people would make fun of me for my diabetes.

Some did. And it hurt and I cried.

I was made fun of for being a Christian and was called a Bible-banger.

Wonder if that girl on the bus started that one?

I was dorky, not really too cute and was awkward around guys.

I know I made fun of people as a child and I know I hurt people's feelings.

My point is that this is just life...being judged and left out at times.

I want my focus in parenting to be about accepting others and loving others because WE ALL ARE DIFFERENT! Hatred and judgement exist in so many other areas outside of race!

We all are different and we all are THE SAME!

We all were made in God's image.

We all should be here striving to be like HIM and to love like Him.

I don't want to start making life about race.

My life has never been that way. Never did my parents talk about being white or Caucasian.

I know that because we are raising kids that are of different race, we have to do things differently.

And we are. But how far do we go?

I know that because I am white, I haven't experienced race issues like some have...but I have none-the-less experienced being judged because of my skin.

But, I think there's a fine line of where we make it a bigger deal than it needs to be, just in trying to prove it's not an issue.

I want to always spend more time talking with my kids about Christ and being like Christ.

So, all ye readers...please share with me.

Give me your insight in LOVE (I am not afraid to delete your comment if it is hateful!).

Teach me how you handle these things with your kids!

I don't like begging for comments, but guys...my heart was so heavy leaving yesterday wondering how we were going to take on this race battle.

I don't want to have my head buried in the sand here...so I am asking you to share.

If you have adopted trans-racially, have a trans-racial family, are a minority or have experienced racism...I beg you to help me know what to do here!

If you are a friend or family and just want to give wisdom or insight...please do! You know I am a words girl and I need some guidance here.

How do you handle this without causing more segregation or actually making race a big deal?

I hear God whispering to me to keep my eyes on Him and He will guide us as always.

I am ending with Cooper's favorite song right now...

Jesus loves the little children,

All the children of the world.

Red and yellow,

Black, brown, white.

They are precious in his sight!

Jesus loves the little children of the world!

Her cuts and milestones!

Well, the boys needed a "her cut" as we call it. That name came from the first time I cut Owen's hair and he said, "My her!" while he touched his newly-near-bald head!

So here they are showing you their locks on the ground. Goodness I love their hair...I never have to worry about cutting off curls that won't come back! I can always run my hands through their curly hair! Another good thing about curly hair...you can't tell if the cut is not perfect!

Cooper showing off his new cut (Owen didn't want to have his picture taken!) You can't really see the hair after-all but I love the close-up!

This video is from the same night. I was inside waiting for Sadie to fall asleep and I heard loud belly laughs and had to grab the camera. This is what I got...they truly are best buds!

For milestones, Sadie is now holding her bottle...

And she can sit up without her boppy around her buns...

She is loving being able to sit on the ground and play with her toys! I love it!

With the great weather and Sadie sitting up so well, we put her in a stroller and let Cooper push her up and down the street. I was close behind seeing that he's only 2!

She is reaching out for people to hold her (mostly to her daddy) and yesterday she pulled his shirt when he was walking away from her. It was SO cute! I love seeing how much she adores him and lights up when he walks in the door, but also how this strong man becomes quite the mush-ball around her (is that a word?).

Tonight the boys are spending the night with Blake's parents so that we can attend the trans-racial parenting workshop tomorrow with Sadie. I am so excited to learn some new stuff and share our info! They plan on having these throughout the year, so maybe some of you that can't attend tomorrow can come next time!

So, Sadie and I are having a girls date with daddy tonight! How fun!

It's getting interesting around here!

So, this is a post all about trans-racial adoption.

There are so many fun things that I keep meaning to post about, like hair tips, good and bad products, books and such.

I just always end up having something more fun to post about like my sweet kiddos and the crazy things that happen around here.

Yesterday, Owen asked a question that has prompted this post.

At breakfast he asked Blake and I, "Is daddy brown?". We both were shocked as we thought this was quite obvious.

Blake's pretty pale (sorry hon!) and Owen's pretty good with knowing his colors.

We both replied, "No honey, he's kind of peach."

Owen then asked, "Is mommy brown?"

Again, we were a little puzzled. But replied that mommy too was peachy, vanilla.

We then reminded him that he got his beautiful brown color from God and his birth-father.

We talked about how cool we thought it was that Cooper and Sadie were brown too!

Owen then asked, "Was daddy in Mandy's belly?"

It's a fun time for us because Owen is starting to understand his adoption in such a different way.

He's starting to put things together and we hope therefore appreciate his story in a deeper way.

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Blake's mom got us a really neat book for Sadie's baby dedication... here is a pic of it.

It is the coolest book and I recommend it not only for trans-racial families, but for all of our families as it talks about God's dream for all of His children.

Here is another book that we got from Christmas (also from Gigi!) that we read again this morning.

Reading it brought on a really great discussion about our skin being different and how cool that was. But it also brought us to the computer for some shopping for angels and nativities that matched the kids.

We found some great stuff! Here is what we picked out mostly because of price, but also because it was just what we were looking for.

Owen excitedly told Blake when he got home today that we "found a black angel". He was so proud!

Holden's mommy also had a cool find at the Cracker Barrel. See her post about diversifying their decor for Christmas!

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Hair stuff (this will really only be fun for some of you!!!)

Because I am always looking for cool things for the boys' hair, I am sharing what I have found and like.

The best thing I have found for Owen's hair is Paul Mitchell The Conditioner. It works wonders for softer curly hair. It leaves it soft and bouncy. But it's horribly expensive...so I have tried leave in conditioner (Garnier Fructis and Herbal Essence makes some great ones). It works really well for Owen's hair type, and smells fabulous!

For Cooper, I have to use something heavier because his hair is more course with tighter curls. The best I have found for him is Olive Oil Hair Moisturizing Lotion. It's incredible, not costly and not greasy. And the key for his hair is to get it damp with a water bottle before using product! He no longer cries when I pick through his hair! Thanks Rebecca for this tip!

Now, this stuff....sheesh! It's smell is the only thing I don't like about it. Otherwise, it would be perfect for Cooper. It sprays on which he loves, and combs through really well and keeps his hair from looking brittle and dry. It's name is the best... Sta-Sof-Fro - I love it!

If any of you out there have brown babies and you have found a website or a product out there, please share! I always learn new stuff and tips when I talk to other moms.

Also, I read a really good book before Owen was born and it really helped me! It's called "It's all Good Hair" I thought it was great. There was a lot of stuff in it that I didn't use because they were boys, but now I need to find it again since Miss Sadie arrived and I am sure I will be braiding before I know it!

This is a Christmas pic that I have yet to post because so many of you got it in the mail! But, had to share because it's one of my favorites with all 5 of us!