Dear Receptionists,

I want to thank you for your smiles as I checked into your office this morning. You have no idea how I anticipated your reaction to me and my children. Thank you for telling me how beautiful my daughters are. What you don't know is that this week has been full of unsolicited disrespectful parenting advice from black women in random stores. Oh how we needed your warm reception of us. Thank you for telling me you love their hair and that I do a good job taking care of their curls. What you don't know is that this does just as much for my girls to be accepted by other African Americans as it does for their white mama. You could've just as easily just stared at us and talked about us when we left...but you didn't. You had the heart to talk to me about this rather taboo topic... white parents raising black children. I need you to know how you fed my soul today.

In this sinful world where young black boys are being murdered and their killers claim self defense and walk, and where black people are rude to me because they disapprove...I cannot help but constantly plead that Jesus carry us through. I live for Jesus alone. I don't have to worry about others approval...but I sure do want it for my kids. Sweet receptionists, I need you to know that your smiles, gentle hearts and encouraging words gave me great hope that we in fact are moving forward.

Eeeek. Blog fail

Sorry I haven't posted in so long! I am gearing up for the half marathon so running plus mothering 4 babes and being an awesome wife (totally kidding-I am only subpar) leaves little blog time!!!! We joined the Y!!! It has been so much fun for the kids to get to play basketball! What a great picture.

This is our new favorite hang out spot! Especially when the weather is too cold for the park.

I think they are worn out!! How cute is this?

And here's our little cheerleader! She loves banging on the seats!!!

A visit to the aquarium again. Isn't she crazy beautiful?!?!

I did Sadie's hair last Friday. I did flat rope twists up into one puff! I LOVED how it turned out! It officially lasted a week! Completely thrilled with that.

I think they feel comfortable at the aquarium, don't you??

MLK Jr. day parade in Atlanta! What a wonderful day to live in this city!

Sadie sporting her adorable faux frohawk. I LOVE doing her hair! She had so much fun watching the parade.

This was the closest we got to a family pic, thank you Owen for taking it!!!

HOW COOL! Not sure what group this was but they sang and stomped and there were lots of races amongst them...do you see Ebenezer Baptist Church behind them? This is THE church that Martin Luther King, Jr. himself preached at!

Oh man...I love this picture. I am quite certain that I have the best husband alive. He also is the best daddy alive. I am not partial at all by the way.

So you might be wondering...we were 2 of only a dozen other white people at the parade. As sad as I am that more of my Caucasian friends don't come to these parades, some comments from other patrons are less than encouraging. One guy was trying to sell me a picture of MLK so he hollered at me, "You look like you come to these things all of the time." What do I say to that? I wanted to yank him by the ear pulling him aside to remind him that my children could feel the stares and his comment did not help them feel like they belong here. Matter of fact, us being here was the complete reason MLK Jr spent his life preaching about love, acceptance and equal rights. Blake and I were so thankful that with each year that we go to the parade, or maybe as we mature, we feel more comfortable and sweat less ;)

Oh lands. This might just be an all time favorite pic of mine. How in the world am I so blessed?!?!

Hair stuff and more

These are some pics I found from my mom's camera this week. I about died when I saw this and remembered how tiny sis was. These are some of the few that really show her size. Can't believe she is 6 months old and in the 50 percentile!

So...I am not sure if I am annoying you or not, but this is my blog after all and darn it...this book is good.

I will say it again....please read it. I've changed my stance though, even if you know not a single soul that has adopted transracially, you should still read this. If you are white, read it.

I've had a lot of conversations about race, racism and prejudice with so many people over the last 6+ years....that's why I am saying this. We all need this.

I am just shocked at how eye opening this has been. Black Baby White Hands has taught me so much and I am forever indebted to this man that so courageously wrote his story.

And for the hair title...another friend who has adopted pointed out these sites for hair care and WHOA! I'd better get to practicing, huh? I got nothing on these ladies...just look at Sadie's puffs.

www.keepmecurly.com

www.beadsbraidsbeyond.blogspot.com

Happy New Year everyone! Watch for a post later this week for pics of Emery's finalization!

Woot woot, we'll finally be complete...The Shockley 6! Sounds fabulous, huh?

Black Baby White Hands

If you haven't read this...please do.

Even if you are not or will not adopt transracially, please read it!

I felt extremely well educated and prepared about transracial adoption through our incredible agency.

This book has rocked my world in so many ways.

I could go on and on.

I have learned I have said the wrong things already to my kids. **sigh**

I have learned that this is so much bigger than I ever could wrap my head and heart around.

It has shown me that, yet again, my God is the only one that can carry our children through this journey...and He's CHOSEN Blake and I to walk this with them.

I am so thankful this book has given me such priceless insight into a world that is often not spoken about.

I beg you, if you have a relationship with my children, please read this. Please.

I wish I had read it sooner.

Transracial Parenting Workshop #2

On Saturday our agency offered another transracial parenting workshop.

It was INCREDIBLE! If you are new here, you can catch the discussion that followed from the first workshop here. Also, these workshops are open to anyone, not just those who've adopted through our agency. I highly encourage any family to come to these (post-placement) as I have learned so much!

There was a panel of people touched by transracial adoption. A couple who adopted their 4 children 15 years ago, 3 of whom are biracial, and two adults (Sarah and Patrick) who were adopted transracially 30 some years ago. There was also a woman who has a transracial family (through an inter-racial marriage, not adoption) on the panel. Don't you love all this lingo???

It was so good to hear from families that have been through what we are going through. It was wonderful to see these two incredible adults THRIVE out of transracial adoption. Seriously, if our kids turn out like these two...we'd do cartwheels! They are such neat people that really embraced what their parents told them growing up....race is a part of who they are, but it is not who they are.

Sarah and Patrick both encouraged us to teach our children not to define themselves by race, but by our faith, personality, humor, intelligence, integrity, etc. It was so cool to hear them talk about some of the struggles they faced growing up, but that's all they were...struggles. Just like all of us face. Patrick talked about how he just didn't give it attention...he didn't have time for it. I love this. We can all decide what we will let affect us, and he chose to not let others opinions matter. He simply decided to shrug it off.

The couple that is currently raising teenagers was sharing some of the issues their kids are facing because of race. It was a good and gentle reminder of how our kids may all handle this differently, but I am SO glad they have each other to walk through this with. There may be things they don't feel they can discuss with us, and that's okay. I praise God for giving them siblings to share this with. That seems to have really helped this family.

Sarah shared about hair care and again it was so much fun to learn new tips from the group! I learned a new word...peppercorn (also known as a beebee?). Those are those little balls at the end of Cooper's and Sadie's hair that are tight tangles. Evidently I need to quit trying to comb them out of Sadie's hair and just cut them off like I did with Cooper's hair recently. We talked about new products and stuff to try. She highly recommended Carol's Daughter products so I am going to have to get some for sissy. We discussed silk wraps and pillow cases, conditioner and eczema...I am telling you it was GOOD STUFF!!!

I left this workshop feeling very encouraged and not as heavy as I did last time. Maybe it's because I prepared myself emotionally for the topic to be hard to hear. I think more than anything it was so good to meet these families and see that this was not going to be an uphill battle and an everyday issue unless we choose for it to be that. This is going to be a balancing act of trying to keep our little world diverse so that our children see people everywhere that are multicultural, but yet not giving race more attention than it deserves.

God keeps reminding me that we are all created in His image. This is what we will focus on in our family, being more like Him. God has given me the most incredible blessings in my family and a love that is so intense that I am constantly on the verge of tears. My children bring me the most amazing joy (see pictures below). I will not let anyone steal that joy. I will not let race issues, which is not of God, steal my joy or take my focus off of Him and His incredible blessings.

Trans-racial parenting workshop

We finally got a picture of Sadie and Turner together! They allowed kids 6 months and younger to attend.

As you can see, Sadie couldn't take her eyes off this handsome little guy! They are about 5 weeks apart...isn't that right Chassidy?

I want to share how much we loved the workshop yesterday, but in saying that I did leave there with a heavy heart.

I was so glad the morning ended with hair care because it lifted the mood for me!

Boy did we learn a TON of new stuff about hair care! The stylist that came and talked to us was excellent. She answered so many questions for us and I know saved me from buying some silly stuff for my kids' hair.

I wish I could sit down and write out everything that was covered about hair, but I couldn't possibly.

The things I loved the best were that just like all white hair is different and we can't use the same products...so is African American hair. There's really not one product that will fit all hair types! Makes me feel better about trying 100 different products on the boys! She also answered questions about swimming and shampooing...I could go on and on!

So, I went to the store and bought some satin wraps for the boys to sleep in. We'll see if they actually keep them on, but they loved the idea that DeMarco Murray and Gerald McCoy might just wear the same caps to sleep in!
Please don't worry, I am not going to put this on her to sleep in! The boys just wanted her to try it on!

So, if you need a good stylist, here you go! Get this, she is a multi-racial stylist and has worked on just about every kind of hair! Her name is Shiron Bullock at Evolution Salon (walk-ins are welcome)! Let me know if you want her contact info and I'd be glad to share!

The "heavy" part of the morning was the reality that there still is a lot of racism that goes on today.

It's not something that we have had to face, and something that Blake and I are blessed that our families never had issues with (I mean no one is racist).

So it's so hard to hear that parents still teach their kids ugly things about skin color, as if it's anything more than just skin.

Blake and I desperately want to be prepared for when our children are met with hatred about race.

We want to teach them, as we would with any other obstacle, to cling to their relationship with Christ. We do not want to live our lives in fear of racism, or always looking out for it, like we're on guard.

But we do want to understand that it is hard for our kids being raised by parents who don't look the same.

Honestly, it's a real struggle on how to balance these two things... We want them to have relationships with others that look like them, but we also want them to understand that looks are not WHO THEY ARE.

We are Christians and we want our family to be identified by and in Christ alone.

Hearing stories yesterday about how racism is hitting these children made me sick to my stomach just thinking of O, Cooper or Sis having to deal with it. But it also brought to mind a story that I hide in my mind and heart because it's incredibly embarrassing.

I want to share because it's true.

I want to share it because it helps to remind me of the reality of kids and humans.

I want to share because I came from a very loving, graceful, Christ-centered home.

So here goes...

I told a girl on the bus one day that she couldn't come to my birthday party because she was Jewish and didn't love my God! Yep, sure did. I was probably 5 or 6.

I went home and I guess told my mom, who was horrified (do you remember this mom?)!

Let me tell you that my parents have NEVER uttered a negative word about anyone of differing beliefs or race and certainly would not have spoken of leaving them out of something.

I have no idea where this came from besides I knew that I wanted everyone to love my God and perhaps this would convince her? I think I didn't quite understand God's message of "out of LOVE" at this point!

My mom immediately drove me to this poor girl's home and I apologized and invited her to my party. It was no surprise that she didn't join us.

It makes me want to die thinking of that and how I made her feel. I can't imagine what her mom felt or what she told her mom and what they thought about my family and Christians as a whole!

I am sharing because I know our kids' hearts can be broken for a million reasons...

I grew up worrying that people would make fun of me for my diabetes.

Some did. And it hurt and I cried.

I was made fun of for being a Christian and was called a Bible-banger.

Wonder if that girl on the bus started that one?

I was dorky, not really too cute and was awkward around guys.

I know I made fun of people as a child and I know I hurt people's feelings.

My point is that this is just life...being judged and left out at times.

I want my focus in parenting to be about accepting others and loving others because WE ALL ARE DIFFERENT! Hatred and judgement exist in so many other areas outside of race!

We all are different and we all are THE SAME!

We all were made in God's image.

We all should be here striving to be like HIM and to love like Him.

I don't want to start making life about race.

My life has never been that way. Never did my parents talk about being white or Caucasian.

I know that because we are raising kids that are of different race, we have to do things differently.

And we are. But how far do we go?

I know that because I am white, I haven't experienced race issues like some have...but I have none-the-less experienced being judged because of my skin.

But, I think there's a fine line of where we make it a bigger deal than it needs to be, just in trying to prove it's not an issue.

I want to always spend more time talking with my kids about Christ and being like Christ.

So, all ye readers...please share with me.

Give me your insight in LOVE (I am not afraid to delete your comment if it is hateful!).

Teach me how you handle these things with your kids!

I don't like begging for comments, but guys...my heart was so heavy leaving yesterday wondering how we were going to take on this race battle.

I don't want to have my head buried in the sand here...so I am asking you to share.

If you have adopted trans-racially, have a trans-racial family, are a minority or have experienced racism...I beg you to help me know what to do here!

If you are a friend or family and just want to give wisdom or insight...please do! You know I am a words girl and I need some guidance here.

How do you handle this without causing more segregation or actually making race a big deal?

I hear God whispering to me to keep my eyes on Him and He will guide us as always.

I am ending with Cooper's favorite song right now...

Jesus loves the little children,

All the children of the world.

Red and yellow,

Black, brown, white.

They are precious in his sight!

Jesus loves the little children of the world!