No more Llama Drama

Can I just say how thankful I am for the election to be over?  Lands sakes alive, I was not enjoying all the political talk and the ugly snarky posts amongst even those who love Jesus.  I do not believe all those that have given their hearts to Jesus have to see politics eye to eye.  And I have been saddened by disrespectful comments here and there about the results of the election.  I am ready for this nation to get down and get dirty working to recover itself locking arms together.  There are still enough of us that claim Jesus as our Savior to actually live out the love He commands for us...and we can change the nation.  But we have to stop bickering, blaming, and trying to force other people that do not love Jesus to abide by our rules and values.  We have to speak love, and quit shouting about what we do not believe in.  Non-believers already know what we hold as sinful (which is so ironic because we are all sinners).  Why oh why do we think we need to keep trying to change others instead of loving them into knowing Jesus and letting Jesus change them?!?! 

 We met Daddy Danny (Emery's birthdad) at the science museum in OKC!

 Sometimes I just have to squeal at her adorable face, smile, cheeks and hair!  I mean who can look that precious with free hair!?!?  She can, that's who!

 We went up to see him when the boys were in school and an off day for the girls.  Its so much fun to see Danny come to life around his sweet Emery Faith.  We are so thankful to have him in our life.

I believe recovery begins with each and every one of us. But we have to be ready to live incredibly different lives than what we have planned. We have to lay everything down at the foot of the cross and if we are truly ready for a change in this nation, ask God what we are supposed to do. Not what a leader can help us to do, but what are we supposed to do? Because it really does not matter who our leader is, it is always Jesus Christ. Our nation is going down fast, and it's time that we all quit pointing fingers and realize we are all to blame for trying so desperately to live out the American Dream. This was my FAVORITE part about the book Radical. It pointed out so many ways in which we are raised and believe that we deserve certain things. And its all bull crap. No where in the Bible does it promise us the things that as Americans we think we deserve. I beg you to read this book. So many times I found myself scratching my head with my jaw to the ground with the truths that Platt pointed out. 

 These are from our adoption agency's annual hayride and weenie roast.  And look at my Owen's smile!!!  That's his real smile (note the dimples!). When he fakes it there are no dimples ;)

 She wasn't so interested in eating the marshmellow as she was in playing with it!

 Well, hello gorgeous!  She had so much fun as Gabby Douglas for Halloween that she wanted to continue to be her...she requested her leotard for school the next day and kept introducing herself as Gabby :)  Love this pic of Cooper below...such a handsome fella!

I am ready for the drama to be over and for the work to begin.  The church has got to stop focusing on blessing the blessed, and start spending more time spreading the good news to all people.  Whether that mission is in it's backyard, or across the world or both.  Last week was Orphan Sunday in hundreds of thousands of churches across the world.  This Sunday our church will be a voice for the fatherless.  I am so excited to see the response of our church family, but I also know this will be slow and steady.

As an update to the last post about our family applying for emergency foster care, we had our homestudy and our first 3 sessions for the 27 hours of training!!!  We will meet again this Wednesday to hopefully get a good chunk of it behind us.  Our social worker rocks and she is desperately trying to get our home open before Christmas. 

I Cannot

I cannot keep my house clean...but I still try.

I cannot be the best wife ever, but I believe I am the best for Blake.  And dang...how I love and adore that man.

I cannot possibly be the mother my kids need me to be 100% of the time, but I do believe in a God who reaches across that gap and uses me just.how.I.am.

I believe in Phil 4:13 in a deeper way than I ever have before.  When I gave my heart to Jesus, HE MAKES ME ABLE.  When I daily rely on Him, He uses me just as I am.  Because I have nothing more than any other human being to bring to the table without Him. 

And I believe He has used these books to awaken my heart, to strengthen my walk with Him...to open my eyes to so much that I have chosen not to see.  I have known for years that God was asking us to do something with foster care, but we couldn't figure out what.  And its been through these books, that we have been challenged to see that we won't necessarily feel "a calling" to one certain thing.  That we may not feel "peace" about what God has put before us.  But He still asks us to do it.  He commands us to, in fact.  We don't need to have all the details worked out before we say YES.  We don't need to be able before stepping up.  Phil 4:13 says He makes us able.  He just wants us to come to Him and lay down our lives, our plans, our dreams, and know that He is worth it all.

These books have made me question so many things, and taken me to places of freedom in Christ that I have yearned for.  I have never felt so free in Him.  I am so thankful for where I am today, and I am more thankful for my precious husband than I think I have ever been.

But I also feel so much conflict with the world around me.  I see loads of Halloween candy and my heart breaks knowing how that candy got to our shelves in the grocery store.  Please, I beg you, read about forced child labor and slave labor regarding cocoa beans and every major American chocolate company that purchases these cocoa beans is full aware.  Please do not buy chocolate this Halloween!!!

I feel conflict with how much money is spent frivolously while so much of the world is dying of starvation.  I can't get past 26,000 dying daily from lack of food.  But I have peace in knowing that Blake and I can make choices to live differently, I just wish it didn't come with so much uproar from the world around us.  We are the weird parents.  I just pray they don't hate us for it, but rather know Jesus deeper because of it.

Last weekend I sat in church with a new lovie on my lap from the shelter.  She didn't want to leave me for big church, so her 6 year old self got right on my lap to take it in.  And.I.wept.  I cried out to Jesus during worship knowing He fully understands her precious situation, and why she is hurting...while I do not, I am the one physically holding her, kissing her, and begging for comfort thru Him for her.  Both her and her little sister ached for their mama all weekend, and I cried with them telling them I am so sorry that she is not here.  Taking them back to the shelter was enough to break me...her little body clung to me like a spider monkey and she bawled asking me not to leave her.  Two workers had to peel her off of me. 

As you might imagine, we've applied to be an emergency foster home through Child Share Circle of Care here in Tulsa.  Emergency is different than traditional foster care in that it is short term placement so that younger (birth-5 years) do not go to the shelter before finding long term foster placements.  I can't explain the rest this step has brought to my soul.  As overwhelmed as we are with 4 children, we still feel like God is asking us to trust Him and do this. 

This was done for a local church (our friends church) in plea for the church to step up and take this problem head on...


They are His Children from New Beginnings Church on Vimeo.

I cannot sit back any longer and wait for another day.  We are only promised today.  There will never be better timing.  There will always be something else....but I cannot sit still any longer.

Stir Crazy

I have been neglecting this little blog thing here.  But for good reason. 

God has moved something awful crazy in my heart.  My family thinks I need help. 

I am not a reader.  I rarely take the time to read anything, and sadly even reading the Bible had become blah.  (horribly sad to admit because of my deep love for Jesus). 

One of the more influential women in my life (Jen Hatmaker) wrote a couple of books.  And I had to read them because I love her and trust her. 

Well then that led to me finishing a book in 3 days which is UNHEARD of for me.  I usually get the the very end and then quit.  Wha?

So from June-now I have not been able to stop the constant reading.  She mentioned several books and other friends did too.  I am hungry again for words from Jesus, even if it takes these authors hitting me over the head with the reality that I have been ignoring some pretty big things. 

Here they are.  If you are needing a good read and are ready for something serious to happen in your heart, you cannot miss these. 

Radical- David Platt
Crazy Love-Francis Chan
Kisses from Katie-Katie Davis
Interrupted-Jen Hatmaker
7- Jen Hatmaker

I cannot think straight I am so conflicted with our life in America and the needs of those around us.  How did I become so comfortable with this?  How did I not see so many suffering and truly believe they are my responsibility?  How did I miss that in the Bible? 

I am ashamed.  I am disgusted.  I am achy.  I am stir crazy for wanting to DO SOMETHING.  And poor Blake has known all along that I am odd, but now I want to be really weird and actually do what Jesus asked us to do...lay down my life for Him. 

In the midst of all of this wrestling in my heart, we have gone full force into the foster care ministry with our new church.  We are floored by the needs in our community and state.  So two weekends ago we brought home 2 kids from the shelter for 3 nights over Labor Day weekend.  Our church got involved with DHS in a program called Home for the Holidays.  The idea is for faith families to become certified (approved?) to take children from the shelter for a holiday weekend.  We were honored to join 13 other families from our church in taking home 17 kiddos! 

It was such a great experience.  Don't get me wrong...it's wasn't convenient (we already have 4 lovies).  It wasn't comfortable.  It wasn't easy.  But hello believers...God never told us life would be any of those.  He kept whispering to me all weekend when I would get discouraged, "Life is not supposed to be comfortable sweets."  How have I let myself believe these lies for so long? 

As we drove the kids back to the shelter I was sick to my stomach.  Every child begged to not go back.  Not for lack of love, cleanliness and care there, but it's a shelter for heaven's sake!!!!  Kids belong in families.  And I didn't have any good reason why the kids couldn't stay (besides we needed more training to be certified).  I have room.  I have Jesus.  This weekend just felt like a band-aide for this gaping wound that was in my city.  The reality hit me that why do I not think that these children are just as much my children as the ones God has already blessed me with.  Didn't He say they are all His?  None of them are really "ours".




Please watch this amazing video.  Pray with me about what God has already asked us to do.  God doesn't call us...He already commanded us to do this.  When we give our hearts to Jesus, then we must do as He commands. 

Consider reading these books.  I beg it of my brothers and sisters. 

The Mercy Project

There’s an estimated 7,000 children who work in the Ghana fishing industry. Some of
these children are as young as 5 and 6 years old.  All of these children are slaves.

–Mercy Project

Today many in our country will take a day off from our jobs to celebrate the social and economic achievements of American workers.  No matter if we’re celebrating at home or at the beach, we’re entering into a tradition that has largely been shaped by Labor Unions - organizations that are dedicated to protecting workers’ interests and improving their wages, hours, and working conditions.  Today as we lounge around or hang out with friends and family, we’re not only celebrating hard work, we’re honoring fair, ethical working practices and the laws that prevent discrimination, abuse, and child labor in our country.  Without these laws in place (and enforced), the most vulnerable members of society suffer.  Who are the most vulnerable? Children. 

Today as we’re celebrating the systems in our own country that strive to prevent injustices like child trafficking and child labor, we’re mindful of the many child slaves around the world who are unprotected and the organizations, like Mercy Project, who are working to free them.

As a mother, it’s difficult for me to imagine my children working 14 hours a day, 7 days a week.  I’m unable to wrap my brain around the thought of my children engaged in long, hard days of physical labor, eating one meal a day, and then falling asleep at night on a dirt floor filled with other slave children.  Yet this is the daily reality for kids who have been trafficked into the fishing industry in Ghana, Africa.  As with much of Africa, there is a great deal of poverty in Ghana. Unfortunately, this leaves many mothers in an unimaginable position: sell their children to someone who can take better care of them or watch them starve to death. Most of the mothers are told their children will be given food, housing, and an education. Instead, the kids are often taken to Lake Volta where they become child slaves and their mothers never see them again.  Thankfully, Mercy Project is working to break the cycles of trafficking around Lake Volta by providing alternate, more efficient, sustainable, fishing methods for villagers – ultimately eliminating the need for child slaves.  Because of the work Mercy Project is doing in Ghana, the first group of children will be freed this month from Lake Volta.

 

We invite you to watch this moving, 10 minute documentary about the issues surrounding child labor and trafficking in Ghana and most importantly the hope Mercy Project is bringing to children and entire communities in Africa.  Mercy Project is the only NGO working on Lake Volta addressing the injustice of child labor and child trafficking at its root - by strengthening the Ghanaian economy and eliminating the structures that cause the demand for trafficked children.

Whether these ideas of child labor, child trafficking, and modern-day slavery are new to you or you’re aware of these injustices, but need to hear some good news every once in awhile, we invite you to become a part of what Mercy Project is doing in Ghana.  When Mercy Project frees their first group of children this month, we can all celebrate together.

I Have Decided To Follow Jesus...

Gosh I love that hymn.

We sung it at the end of every service growing up. It was a visual song for me as a child. I would hold the hands of my church family across the isle and see myself walking toward Jesus. No turning back.

As Easter drew close, I felt an unease that I remember feeling at Christmas. A feeling like the focus was off, and like I was in a tailspin to keep our family focused on Jesus and his sacrifice instead of egg hunts, the bunny, baskets, new clothes, candy, etc. I have to be honest, sometimes I feel like a complete freak. Like I am a glutton for punishment. Why can't I just go with it?

At church on Sunday, this hymn was sung. And my parents were in church with us. I cried singing it of course...and I remembered why I can't just "go with it".

Tho none go with me, I still will follow...

The world behind me, the cross before me...

No turning back, no turning back...

In a desperate need for a feeling of normalcy I reached out to someone I adore and asked her to blog about Easter so that I could steal it and share here (I was kidding of course....maybe). She was already writing it. Not that you really want to know more behind my thoughts, but if you are looking for a great read and a woman after God's heart...introducing Jen Hatmaker. Get ready, she's gonna mess with your head!

Fast forward to last night. Our precious foster family that we are supporting invited us to Easter dinner knowing we didn't have family close. I began to get nervous about how I was going to explain. She emailed me about the plans and Blake and I discussed how in the world we would tell them our thoughts/desires for Easter to be different for our family. This morning she showed up at my door to drop off the boys for the day and we talked a bit more about plans for Sunday. Then she said, "Ummm. Have you ever heard of Jen Hatmaker?"

Holy bananas! Thank you Lord for placing us with a family that not only shares our faith, our passion for the fatherless, but also "gets" our holiday make-over!

Praying that our children grasp the unconditional love of our Father, and that this weekend we can teach them of His ultimate sacrifice on the cross and resurrection on Sunday.

Healing Rain

Today was a good day.

I never thought I could say that on a day when I knew for sure this child was not to be ours. But, I can't get over God's protection in this. There are a thousand ways that this situation could have been worse, and I find myself thankful that it just wasn't.

Of course, we wish it had ended with Kennedy coming to us. We feel like a ton of things happened that, had they been different, the outcome might have been different. But, we know that God is in control and perhaps he allowed certain things to unfold the way they did to protect us from deeper hurt.

Thanks to my fabulous in-laws, the kids never knew the events and tragedies that took place. Their hearts are what I was most worried about and I thank God that they were protected from this loss. The moment we knew that C was in labor, they drove up to be with the kids. Even though they were told we were at the hospital, the boys replied, "Yea, my daddy has to work there a lot!" Thank you Jesus! And thank you Gigi and Papa for giving Blake and I time to grieve this!

My mom was an angel this weekend. She too jumped on the road when C called so that she could help us out at the hospital. She even slept on the waiting room floor all night so that C's daughter could have safety and sleep. Seriously, this is being the hands and feet of Christ. My mom never gripped one bit about this, but instead was joyful to be of help and bonded with this sweet child. When things started to unravel, my mom held me, prayed over me and let me sob about how and why this could happen...again. She even gave me her big sun glasses to wear out of the hospital so that I didn't look so crazy with my red swollen teary eyes.

Today, the kids had school so my mom and grandma drove from Tulsa to hang out with me, distract me and do a little retail therapy. Thank you both for your precious gift of time, laughter and friendship. This day would have been so much different if we didn't have such wonderful friends and family praying us through this. Thank you for all of the phone calls, emails, texts and fb notes. You have no idea how much peace it brings to know so many love us, are praying and walking through this with us.

***How could I be sad today when I had these two goofballs to hang out with??? Thank you Lord for these two!!!***

God has wanted us to feel His love in this journey and we have experienced Him in a new way. Never have I felt such peace about something so painful in my life. I haven't cried at all today. Maybe it's because I got it all out on Saturday, or maybe it's because I am not letting myself focus on the sad parts of this. Mostly, I think it's because I know our God has great plans for us.

Our hope is in the Lord, not in a child.

It rained almost all day today. I love the rain. I couldn't help but just hear the Michael W. Smith song in my head "Healing Rain". The rain was healing today. Such a gentle reminder from our Savior of His love for us and His desire to heal and mend our broken hearts.

Overwhelmed by His goodness

These last several days/weeks I can't get over the blessings that have come our way.

And yet, it is so fresh that feeling that I had when I didn't want to leave home to be here.

This got me wondering how many blessings I have missed out on in life because it wasn't part of my plan. How many times have I told God no, not knowing that I was doing so.

Believe me, I thought the things going on with Chosen and Cooper's Law were more important that me leaving town for a while. Wha? I thought it was what God was calling me to, and yet in our time here I've realized He didn't really need ME, He could do it fine all by himself.

I won't go into a lot of what's going on here, but again I feel God's blessings pouring out onto our family in ways I never could have dreamed. So many things that shouldn't be, simply are. Like feeling completely comfortable in 500 square feet! Or the fact that I was so worried about finances (everything is expensive here) and somehow, my credit card statement was significantly lower than usual (more than half was it usually is!) If that's not God, what is? This has taught me to trust Him in ways that I never really have.

As much as I am missing our family and friends, here I have been reminded daily of his desire to be my everything. I don't want to get back home and forget this. I don't want to get into the hustle of life and forget these sweet lessons.

So, tomorrow Blake flies out for his next interview and even with what i just wrote I would be lying if I said I wasn't dreading this weekend without him. We are getting down to the wire, with only a 17 days left here and Blake will be gone for about 8 of those!

Here are some pics from our time with Gigi. What a treasure our time was together!

Sadie has dropped her morning nap, but she keeps falling asleep just before we get her into her pack and play! Grocery shopping this week was much easier with Gigi. Cooper requested that Gigi take her own basket so that he could put goodies and treats into it! Wow, how smart they are!!!

This is also a favorite place for people to bring their dogs to play. I don't know if the kids like the playground or the dogs better. We now spend time here everyday!!!

Gigi helped us find this cool park and the kids LOVED it! Blake pointed out that he had showed it to me earlier, but somehow it doesn't stick in my head unless I drive there myself! The kids were in heaven and the day got even better when we found McDonald's again! Have you ever seen a view like this out of MickeyD's before. They even have a fireplace-WOOT WOOT!!!!
Her eyes look tired, but look who can used a straw and juice box! Oh my, where did my baby go?

Conversations

I am not sure if it's just in my world lately, but there's been a lot of tragedy in the lives of those I love.

Not just death, but a lot of struggles not just physically, but emotional and spiritual as well.

My family lost a dear friend a week ago today in an unexpected way. She was a life long family friend and one of my mother's best friends.

People are being sued for the wrong reason.

Some are giving up on their marriages.

Families are dealing with broken dreams in the trail of miscarriage and adoptions falling through.

Then today, I read these verses, not in searching did I find this, it was what followed today (God is good like that). These are verses that I have read for years, but they had different meaning today and spoke to me today.

Matt. 5:3,4,7-9 The Message

"You're blessed when you're at the end of you rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule."

"You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you."

"You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-full' you find yourselves cared for."

"You're blessed when you get your inside world-your mind and heart- put right. Then you can see God in the outside world."

"You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family."

I sure am thankful that our God loves us enough to have conversations with us through the Bible, the holy spirit as well as placing deep friendships in our lives.

So, to end on a lighter note...please read this story of an incredibly mature young man and his vision. You will be touched, I promise...but you can also help his dream come true! It's a must read!