"So promise me you'll never forget...that you aren't an accident or an incident...you are a gift to the world, a divine work of art, signed by God. You were deliberately planned, specifically gifted, and lovingly positioned on this earth...Flooded by emotion, overcome by pride, the Starmaker turns to us, one by one, and says, 'You are my child. I love you dearly.'" Max Lucado, God Thinks You're Wonderful

Monday, January 24, 2011

Make Them Not Look At Me

Part of me wonders if I should write this.

A million things go through my head about why I should or should not share.
But then I think about why I started this blog: to keep my family and friends up to date on what's happening with us AND for those that might be interested in adoption.
You know I am a huge advocate of adoption and transracial adoption. You know that I believe 100% that my God created our family exactly how it is today and it is perfect in His sight. So please don't read this post as I wish things were different or to say I wish we hadn't adopted transracially. I am living my dream.

But today it came with heartache. And I feel the need to put this out there.

One of my lovebugs said something that instantly made me think of Black Baby White Hands and in my heart thank Jaiya John for sharing his insight.

We were at the Dr.'s office waiting to be seen when one kept trying to hide between my legs and said, "Mom, please tell them not to look at me."

This statement has come up a lot in this child's life. As are all my kids, this one is to die for cute. I can't quit staring at them, and so for years I have responded, "Sweetie, you are really cute. They just are looking at how cute you are."

And now I believe that was not the right response. It's fine. But it makes the wound deeper. Like being black and being raised by white parents is something that everyone can understand and has experienced.
Today this went on and on. This pumpkin kept squirming and looking around to what they thought were eyes of children judging them. Then my baby said, "Mom, I wish I was peach. Then they wouldn't look at me."

Oh Lord. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I was thankful our name wasn't being called and we could just sit there a moment and be. I kissed those sweet soft brown cheeks and said, "Honey, I am so sorry. Is that why you think they are looking?" I kissed some more and hugged those squishy shoulders. Then I whispered, "Thank you for telling me. I am so sorry sweetie." Their response was, "Make them not look at me".
I told "them" that I couldn't control the little girl, but that we could talk and not pay attention to everyone else. I tried to distract with other things around us, but both of us were heavy with what had been said...what that tiny heart was holding.

As I type this out, the weight of the words and thoughts are streaming down my face. I want nothing more than for my children to feel the intense pride in how God created us, that we are different and that we love it. But I also have to sit still in the moments as my children adjust to that and come to accept it. I need to grieve with them as they feel the glares because we don't match. It's good for me to see that all they understand is that they are constantly being stared at, and what it feels like to them is it's because we don't match.

I think that it's not coincidence that this came just days before we move. It helps ease my sadness over the good-byes. Although our first move will not bring them more faces that resemble theirs, but it will bring fewer stares as we don't stand out as much when we are covered head to toe in snow gear as well as more time alone for the 6 of us.

Our second move is what I praise God for. I can't wait until our kids are the majority. I can't wait to experience what they do all of the time. I know it will be uncomfortable for Blake and I...but it's about time and we look forward to getting a better glimpse into their world.
Thank you Lord for knowing where we needed to be for a year. Thank you for knowing my kids' hearts and that this decision was made to move to Atlanta long before the weight of these words were understood. Thank you Lord for helping me to understand my lil blessings more and not continue to be a part of the hurt with my responses to their discomfort.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

A lil pick me up?

Nothing makes my heart light up more than these sweet faces in the morning. Notice Emery's face in the first one?I know the next one is a bit fuzzy, but check out that grin!!!!! It takes up her whole face.
Owen sure does love being the oldest and taking care of his sisters. He is growing into such a sweet young man. He hasn't slowed down one bit; he's a mover and a shaker that's for sure!

These were of the first night the girls shared a room. Sadie LOVED having Emery in there with her.
This is an awful pic of me, but I had to post because of Emery's expression. Mercy, how stinking cute is she?

The girl cousins did nails, had a tea party and watched a movie while the boys went to spend the night at Aunt Laura's and Uncle Greg's house. We're gonna miss our cousins!

And just to make you smile, here is a little video Miss Sadie made when she stole the camera. Ha!

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Emery's First Gotcha Day

Cannot believe she is 6 months old, trying to walk, a loud screamer, all smiles, slobbery kisses, more than a miracle, and FOREVER A SHOCKLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my lands, were we blessed to have the most incredible Judge Chapelle to do our final finalization! He was beyond incredible and made everyone in that courtroom cry. He said the most precious and encouraging things to Blake and I...we truly left on cloud 9.Getting ready for our hearing!Owen was not in the mood for pictures, so we did what we could! Mommy and daddy getting questioned. Of course I started crying so the boys were worried about me. Cooper wanted me to hold him...so sweet.We finally got a picture of the judge holding our newest member! We thought we'd never have a cool pic like this!The boys and Sadie also got to sign to be Emery's forever brothers and sister. So sweet! I thought it was just a fake copy, but it actually is an official part of Emery's papers!!!Just doesn't get better than this baby girl. Mommy loves you so much and I pray that I can raise you in a way that glorifies God and brings honor to your birth family. I think this picture speaks for itself. So.stinking.happy.

Ca-razy to think that I have spent half my life with this pumpkin. Ever so thankful for falling in love with him, and even more thankful for our relationship today. Love you babe...no one I'd rather walk hand-in-hand with than you.
Emery's grandparents. Big thanks to Noonie and Papa for having everyone over for dinner afterwards and to Noonie for all the great pictures!

Dinner celebration, guess this was the girls table!

I think she's happy!

Me too!

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Hair stuff and more

These are some pics I found from my mom's camera this week. I about died when I saw this and remembered how tiny sis was. These are some of the few that really show her size. Can't believe she is 6 months old and in the 50 percentile!

So...I am not sure if I am annoying you or not, but this is my blog after all and darn it...this book is good.
I will say it again....please read it. I've changed my stance though, even if you know not a single soul that has adopted transracially, you should still read this. If you are white, read it.
I've had a lot of conversations about race, racism and prejudice with so many people over the last 6+ years....that's why I am saying this. We all need this.

I am just shocked at how eye opening this has been. Black Baby White Hands has taught me so much and I am forever indebted to this man that so courageously wrote his story.

And for the hair title...another friend who has adopted pointed out these sites for hair care and WHOA! I'd better get to practicing, huh? I got nothing on these ladies...just look at Sadie's puffs.



Happy New Year everyone! Watch for a post later this week for pics of Emery's finalization!

Woot woot, we'll finally be complete...The Shockley 6! Sounds fabulous, huh?