"So promise me you'll never forget...that you aren't an accident or an incident...you are a gift to the world, a divine work of art, signed by God. You were deliberately planned, specifically gifted, and lovingly positioned on this earth...Flooded by emotion, overcome by pride, the Starmaker turns to us, one by one, and says, 'You are my child. I love you dearly.'" Max Lucado, God Thinks You're Wonderful

Monday, March 8, 2010

Healing Rain

Today was a good day.
I never thought I could say that on a day when I knew for sure this child was not to be ours. But, I can't get over God's protection in this. There are a thousand ways that this situation could have been worse, and I find myself thankful that it just wasn't.
Of course, we wish it had ended with Kennedy coming to us. We feel like a ton of things happened that, had they been different, the outcome might have been different. But, we know that God is in control and perhaps he allowed certain things to unfold the way they did to protect us from deeper hurt.
Thanks to my fabulous in-laws, the kids never knew the events and tragedies that took place. Their hearts are what I was most worried about and I thank God that they were protected from this loss. The moment we knew that C was in labor, they drove up to be with the kids. Even though they were told we were at the hospital, the boys replied, "Yea, my daddy has to work there a lot!" Thank you Jesus! And thank you Gigi and Papa for giving Blake and I time to grieve this!
My mom was an angel this weekend. She too jumped on the road when C called so that she could help us out at the hospital. She even slept on the waiting room floor all night so that C's daughter could have safety and sleep. Seriously, this is being the hands and feet of Christ. My mom never gripped one bit about this, but instead was joyful to be of help and bonded with this sweet child. When things started to unravel, my mom held me, prayed over me and let me sob about how and why this could happen...again. She even gave me her big sun glasses to wear out of the hospital so that I didn't look so crazy with my red swollen teary eyes.
Today, the kids had school so my mom and grandma drove from Tulsa to hang out with me, distract me and do a little retail therapy. Thank you both for your precious gift of time, laughter and friendship. This day would have been so much different if we didn't have such wonderful friends and family praying us through this. Thank you for all of the phone calls, emails, texts and fb notes. You have no idea how much peace it brings to know so many love us, are praying and walking through this with us.

***How could I be sad today when I had these two goofballs to hang out with??? Thank you Lord for these two!!!***

God has wanted us to feel His love in this journey and we have experienced Him in a new way. Never have I felt such peace about something so painful in my life. I haven't cried at all today. Maybe it's because I got it all out on Saturday, or maybe it's because I am not letting myself focus on the sad parts of this. Mostly, I think it's because I know our God has great plans for us.

Our hope is in the Lord, not in a child.

It rained almost all day today. I love the rain. I couldn't help but just hear the Michael W. Smith song in my head "Healing Rain". The rain was healing today. Such a gentle reminder from our Savior of His love for us and His desire to heal and mend our broken hearts.


norma murphy said...

Such sweet words and heart you have, Molly AND what a HORRIFIC PICTURE!! Anything for a laugh today, though... Love, Mom/Noonie

Kristin said...

I am just amazed by your words in this post and the previous post. You just have a way with expressing yourself and I can see God all over your words. I am grieved for you, but you said a mouthful with "Our hope is in the Lord, not in a child"! WHOA! Thank you for being so transparent with your readers. Praying for you and yours.

Charissa said...

I wish I could give you a big hug and we could cry together.

Betty S. said...

Molly, it takes a very special person to be able to deal with what you have gone through and come through it with such incredible grace, openness and dignity. Your words are a huge inspiration to us...as we begin our own journey, you couldn't have said it any better, Our hope is in the LORD, not in a child.

We love you both and you know you are always in our prayers.

Abby said...

Hi Molly, I've never posted to your blog before, but I have wanted to. I have known of your family for a while now. I remember the first time I prayed for you and your family. My friend Robin sent and urgent prayer request for Cooper shortly after he was born. I prayed for you all during that time, God brought you to my mind over and over again. When Robin sent the e-mail about what God had done and how He brought Cooper back to you, I cried. I remember tears of joy falling down my face! Then one day I stumbled on to your blog via Robin's and once again your family was enduring heartache and I prayed. I've prayed for your family for over three years now, and I guess I just want you to know that I will continue. Your ability to face the heartache this life brings with grace is a blessing to those of us who read your blog.


Jamila said...

We love you!

Sara said...

We will keep praying for you all... I just wanted you to know. I am praising God that He has been faithful during this time. I know He always is... but I can sense your faith just booming out through that post. Thanks for sharing, it encourages me:)

Richele said...

you have such an amazing heart - full of love and faith. i enjoy reading about how you cherish even the smallest moment with your family.

i'm praying for your family as you endure this heartbreak.

Kristy said...

Your faith is inspiring, your love for our god is just beautiful thanking god for your peace and excited to see the great blessing god is going to bring to your family!

Samantha said...

Oh, Molly! You said it so perfectly, "Our hope is in the Lord, not in a child."

My heart breaks for you friend, and yet rejoices with you too - in the fact that despite the heartache, you are able to praise God for the blessings throughout all of this.

I'm still praying... and will keep praying for your little miss KK, just like I do for our little Jacob.

Cindy said...

wow, girl. you amaze me. you can always tell a person's true character in the decisions they make under pressure. and for some reason, the Lord has given you guys WAY too many character-building trials. But you always respond like a champ! I know you're making Him proud right now. And thanks for being that example for us, too. Love you!

Laura said...

SO proud to say you are my sister! So proud of the way you CHOOSE to look for the good of what God is doing in and aroud you. You, my friend, are an absolute blessing to me!

I am so thankful for the way God is revealing Himself to you....I hear your confidence in Him in the words you say, and in your actions. I couldn't be more proud of you and Blake.

I can't wait to see what God has in store for your sweet fam...

Love you bunches!

Melodie said...

Sorry friend for your hurt. Thinking of you today!