"So promise me you'll never forget...that you aren't an accident or an incident...you are a gift to the world, a divine work of art, signed by God. You were deliberately planned, specifically gifted, and lovingly positioned on this earth...Flooded by emotion, overcome by pride, the Starmaker turns to us, one by one, and says, 'You are my child. I love you dearly.'" Max Lucado, God Thinks You're Wonderful

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Seeing Green

Lunch was even green with Mac N Cheese and green yogurt for our apples! So fun!

They had a blast adding the food coloring and stirring it up! Notice the green plates too ;)

Even though my 3 and 4 year old boys can't seem to open the play dough by themselves, my Sadie had that booger open in no time! Holy moly!

We've never really gotten into St. Paddy's Day before, but we needed a little something to do today and I thought it would be fun to go all out...of course I mean in Shockley style, which really isn't anything big.
We made green eggs (no ham) and green milk this morning. It was so much fun!
Even Sadie was impressed. Not really, she's just a happy girl!!!

This afternoon we get to see Mama G and we are so excited! It's always fun getting to play and visit with our birth moms. And with what we've been through in the last couple of weeks, it makes us even that much more thankful for the sacrifices made for our children to be in our home and family.
I've not been really open about all that's gone on with Kennedy's situation, and while I still don't want to go into great detail about it, we've continued to go through ups and downs with her placement. So many people have asked when we tell them that we don't have her, "Is there a chance that she could change her mind?" Yes. And one might think that would make this loss and pain a bit easier. But when that possibility drags on, it becomes quite unbearable. It's so hard to grieve the loss of a child that you think still might be yours one day. I find myself doing everything I can to not think of her.

There are reasons I am talking about this now. One, we would like to ask you for prayer for peace for all of us, C especially. We've felt it strong and we know God is still near to us. Second, we want others to know what this feels like, not for sympathy, but others that are thinking about adoption to understand the realities of it (both good and bad). Disrupted placements are not what you hear about in the media, but they do happen. And last, I've never felt more frustrated that Cooper's Law is not in effect. My heart is so heavy for what our birth mothers have to go through in our state as they choose adoption for their child.
One of my friends said to me last week, "How are you? And you don't have to lie to me." She has been through this herself and she knows all to often when people ask that, they don't necessarily want to hear that your wondering about your baby. Thank you Kim for being so ready to listen to my heart.
All in all, we are doing well. Each day seems to get better, but I have to say that the fact things have been in limbo have worn me out. Yesterday, we decided that we are moving on like this will not happen. Again, I don't want go into the details of it because I know you are wondering why we didn't do that last week!
I came upon this verse yesterday and it spoke volumes to my heart. Hope it does the same for you!
"We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4:7-9

**Check out Owen's ashy knees! Mercy! I love that Sadie loves necklaces and jewelry!!!**


Kara said...

still praying for you girl! we are heading your way friday to hit the science mus...if you wanna meet up, text me :)

Kristin said...

I won't lie. This makes me nervous, but it also gives me a taste of reality. We've been on the adoption journey for over a year now and came through one "battle" already with another agency. We almost quit but just knew that God still had us on a path to a child and that no matter what we were going through, there was still a child that we had to get to. I won't pretend to know what you're going through, I will pray that you will continue on your way to your child, whoever they may be. Thank you for being real. I think I say that everytime I comment but it does mean so much!

Kristin said...

Your kiddos sure are sweet!!

Betty S. said...

Thank you for your thoughts and for sharing them with us..You have made me think about both sides of the adoption process and what can happen in anyone's situation.. God Bless your family.

Kristy said...

You are such a good mama, seriously the green thats awesome!

Cindy said...

you are one amazing momma. I would never have even thought to do the green milk and stuff. Can I come be your kid?
On a more serious note, your heart is so beautiful. I dont know why God leads us through things like this, but you are such a light. Keep on shinin' sister!

Jeremy and Melanie said...

Love you, dear friend. I know it is all so exhausting and you (we!) have to find peace in some state of mind to help us focus on the precious treasures that God has already placed in our care as we trust Him to work out all the rest of the details. You are doing great! Love you! Melanie