Healing Rain

Today was a good day.

I never thought I could say that on a day when I knew for sure this child was not to be ours. But, I can't get over God's protection in this. There are a thousand ways that this situation could have been worse, and I find myself thankful that it just wasn't.

Of course, we wish it had ended with Kennedy coming to us. We feel like a ton of things happened that, had they been different, the outcome might have been different. But, we know that God is in control and perhaps he allowed certain things to unfold the way they did to protect us from deeper hurt.

Thanks to my fabulous in-laws, the kids never knew the events and tragedies that took place. Their hearts are what I was most worried about and I thank God that they were protected from this loss. The moment we knew that C was in labor, they drove up to be with the kids. Even though they were told we were at the hospital, the boys replied, "Yea, my daddy has to work there a lot!" Thank you Jesus! And thank you Gigi and Papa for giving Blake and I time to grieve this!

My mom was an angel this weekend. She too jumped on the road when C called so that she could help us out at the hospital. She even slept on the waiting room floor all night so that C's daughter could have safety and sleep. Seriously, this is being the hands and feet of Christ. My mom never gripped one bit about this, but instead was joyful to be of help and bonded with this sweet child. When things started to unravel, my mom held me, prayed over me and let me sob about how and why this could happen...again. She even gave me her big sun glasses to wear out of the hospital so that I didn't look so crazy with my red swollen teary eyes.

Today, the kids had school so my mom and grandma drove from Tulsa to hang out with me, distract me and do a little retail therapy. Thank you both for your precious gift of time, laughter and friendship. This day would have been so much different if we didn't have such wonderful friends and family praying us through this. Thank you for all of the phone calls, emails, texts and fb notes. You have no idea how much peace it brings to know so many love us, are praying and walking through this with us.

***How could I be sad today when I had these two goofballs to hang out with??? Thank you Lord for these two!!!***

God has wanted us to feel His love in this journey and we have experienced Him in a new way. Never have I felt such peace about something so painful in my life. I haven't cried at all today. Maybe it's because I got it all out on Saturday, or maybe it's because I am not letting myself focus on the sad parts of this. Mostly, I think it's because I know our God has great plans for us.

Our hope is in the Lord, not in a child.

It rained almost all day today. I love the rain. I couldn't help but just hear the Michael W. Smith song in my head "Healing Rain". The rain was healing today. Such a gentle reminder from our Savior of His love for us and His desire to heal and mend our broken hearts.