"So promise me you'll never forget...that you aren't an accident or an incident...you are a gift to the world, a divine work of art, signed by God. You were deliberately planned, specifically gifted, and lovingly positioned on this earth...Flooded by emotion, overcome by pride, the Starmaker turns to us, one by one, and says, 'You are my child. I love you dearly.'" Max Lucado, God Thinks You're Wonderful

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Miracle #2

It would be hard to let today pass without remembering how our lives were changed on December 18th two years ago.

I wrestle with how much of Cooper's story to share because he doesn't fully understand it yet, and it's not really mine to share.

But in saying that, I also want to share in God's great miracles. Knowing that most of you that read this already know Cooper's sweet story and the struggle birthmothers have in choosing adoption for their children, I want to talk about today.

That struggle became ever so apparent when we brought Cooper into our family and we watched his birthmom grieve the loss of her son. It's something you would never want anyone to have to go through, let alone a woman that has touched you so much.

So, this day will forever stand out in my mind as one that changed our lives. We had to lose our sweet Cooper in order to surrender to God's plan.

I would never want Cooper's story to be any different than the way God wrote it.

It made me a better mother.

It made me understand in a new way the loss of a child that the birthmother experiences.

It made me appreciate my sweet husband as I watched him guide us through this situation.

It brought me to my knees and to my Father's side. I felt his presence like I never had before.

It was the nightmare I never wanted to experience, but at the same time I look back and know it was so good for me.

And, since you know that Cooper is forever a Shockley...you know the sweet ending!

Today I want to thank our families for dropping everything to be by our side as we searched for God's will in this. It was incredible the time you spent with us as we journeyed through this. I will forever be grateful for your presence.
Thank you to my friends and church family that prayed with us and over Cooper, your words and emails were so comforting.
Thank you Laura, mom and dad for helping me to go through Cooper's stuff...I will never forget those moments of finding Cooper's dirty clothes and I could smell his sweet body. I ached to smell him again and wondered if I would ever see him again.
Thank you Steph for helping me find something to remember Cooper by...you knew I was so scared that everyone would forget him.
Thank you Becki for calling me at night when it was hardest to breath.
Thank you mom for holding me that Wednesday morning as I wept. I clearly remember you telling me to invision Cooper in Jesus' arms. That gave me great rest.
Today I want to thank Mandy for Cooper and for listening to God even though it caused you intense pain. You amaze me with your wisdom and strength. I love you more than you know!


Noonie said...

I remember like it was yesterday and thank God for speaking to Mandy! Thanks for reminding us of His goodness, Molly! The pics take me right back there... Love you all!... Noonie

Becki Francy said...

wow....all those memories came flooding back...I remember when you called me and I was in my office. I remember laying on the couch at night, with David and I would cry so hard...he started to get worried....I remember the most that Christmas with Mandy....and how much I loved her even more, for her decision.

Anonymous said...

Molly & Blake,
I had these dates turned around in my mind. I thought this happened in November....but you and Blake taught your mother and me and I think all of us about surrendering to God’s will. What tremendous numbing pain without reason. Then what joy! Then, I was broken by your pain, and wished and prayed to avoid it. How quickly we all came to understand the NEED for that pain to grow us all! The Message bible in Ephesians 4:1 says “...God is strong and He wants you strong.” I believe we all have to go through various struggles, not that God plans but God uses. Then He moves in His grace and love to free us from these entanglements....once we have put them in His hands. This has often been a struggle of mine, to put these difficult things into God’s hands. Thanks for your and Blake’s example two years ago. Love Mr. Cooper, and all of you!

Hendrick Family said...

This makes me cry! I can't imagine this, Molly. What a beautiful reminder that our children really do belong, first and foremost to the Lord.

So thankful for what He has done in your family!


Melodie said...

wow! wasn't ready for those tears. thanks for sharing some of your story. i can't fathom the loss of a baby being taken away. and you had to experience. yet, i am greatful for birthmoms that see a bigger picture. and what would your little family be like without Cooper?! i only really know him through your blog . . . but honestly that shares alot and he is FULL of life!

Anonymous said...

I know this pain, it also brought me to my knees specifically I went down to our basement and screamed out to God why, and How and how I couldn't hand my Ash off but I did surrender to Gods will and Wow how God has blessed us also. I had picked her and her birth parents up from the hospital when she was born and they could not yet drive and I picked her up again from the hospital in Tulsa at 6 weeks when she recovered from her brain injuries and 6 months later had to hand her over to her birth Grandmother. Until we started visits a year later I had a horrible ache in my heart for the loss of her. Things are wonderful now as she is here at our home this weekend to be dedicated at church almost excactly 2 years since she left what a full circle! God is Good!

Julie Reid said...

Thank you for sharing. I am so amazed at how God uses our struggles to grow us. I could spend hours telling you the struggles that Chris and I have experienced only to see God's hand, His love and His mercy bestowed on our marriage. He is truly amazing!! Thank you for that reminder. I hope or should I say I know that you all are going to have a wonderful Christmas together. Hopefully before to long we can make a family trip up there. I miss you guys so much. I truly thank God for your blogs. Ofcourse I'm sure you know that I am a blog stalker but I love being able to see a glimpse into your lives. You have all turned into such amazing women, wifes and mothers. God Bless!! Julie Reid

Al's World said...

I remember that, i remember praying for God's will and remember the awesome miracle that He gave us all through Mandy. Thank you Molly for always pointing back to her, for shining a light on how wonderful she is, what a wonderful testimony you are to God's love. Love you ALL!!!

Chassidy said...

Oh Molly, I can't imagine the heart break you felt...but it's it glorious that God is ALWAYS faithful to those who believe.

On Saturday we got to see Turner's b-mom...and I have to say, it was really hard this time. My heart literally ached for her. I can see how much she loves Turner and I can't seem to put my mind around how hard it must be for her to leave him. She came back into the room twice to give him one last kiss and say I love you....I cried the entire way home....Such a mix of emotions. I'm filled with such joy but at the same time feel so much pain for her and how difficult the holidays are going to be for her. Any advise?

Rebekah said...

I just found your blog from Blessed Beyond Measure's, and I loved reading some of your stories. We are in the process of our second adoption (c-section in the morning!!). She's our son's full sibling, so even though we weren't thinking about adopting again so soon (13 months apart!), there was no way we were going to say no!

Your children are absolutely beautiful. I'll definitely be checking your blog regularly now :)