"So promise me you'll never forget...that you aren't an accident or an incident...you are a gift to the world, a divine work of art, signed by God. You were deliberately planned, specifically gifted, and lovingly positioned on this earth...Flooded by emotion, overcome by pride, the Starmaker turns to us, one by one, and says, 'You are my child. I love you dearly.'" Max Lucado, God Thinks You're Wonderful

Friday, September 11, 2009

Pits and Aspen

It's been a busy day...

I will start with my pits.

I got a call this afternoon from Representative Nelson's office asking if there were anyway I could meet with him @ 4 to discuss Cooper's Law!

I jumped at the opportunity and praised God for His timing! I had just come home from dropping the kids off at Blake's parents house for the night! I had the afternoon to myself and had no time to get anxious about this!!! (Well, okay I got anxious wondering why God was having me talk about laws? I am so not qualified.)
Thank you for all of you that prayed for me. Bad news first: I completely pitted out my shirt because I was so nervous! I tried to capture a picture of it because it was quite hilarious, but it just didn't do it justice. Good news: I didn't throw up and...

Praise God for getting this into the right hands. We sat and discussed what some concerns might be and how we should handle that. We discussed why this needed to be changed and what other states already had laws very similar to this. It was such a wonderful meeting and he was so open to my concerns, and he felt this deep need to protect birth mothers. How great is that??? He gets it, from all angles.

He talked about how in trying to protect the adoption process, with this law how it currently stands, we've actually made it harder for birth mothers to place.

He wants to meet our precious Mandy and hear her heart on this law... How incredible is that? That's right Mandy girl, I'll be calling you to chat tomorrow!!!
Keep praying for this to move forward. As much as he supports it, he understands there will be opposition. He does not see this "moving to session" or moving this session??? See I shouldn't be talking about this. Essentially, this won't happen quickly because he felt like it was a big deal, but he said this law NEEDS TO CHANGE. It cannot stand how it currently does. Praise God!!!

On to Aspen...
So, you know how my heart has really been broken about this whole Aspen thing. To some of you this decision might seem so easy, but it has not been for me.
I have really been struggling with so much of this.
To be honest, I was struggling with what I would have to give up to be there for 3 months. Gag. I hate being honest about those shooie feelings. But that's where I have been.
I have been heartbroken about not being with Blake for 3 months and have tried to figure out ways we could cut that down (3 weeks here, 4 weeks there, 4 weeks here). But I had never conceded to the idea of us being there for 3 months.

Again, I know some of you are horribly disappointed in me, but my heart was just struggling and I felt I had good reason to struggle. Yes, I am 3 years old too.

But yesterday someone called me. Her name is Alli. She is a friend from church, a mentor from my MOMs Bible study. We have known each other for a couple years, but only had a few conversations outside of "hi" and "how are you?". She is precious. Recently she asked me about this year and I told her quickly of my struggle with Aspen.

She called yesterday and I missed her call, but called her back this afternoon.
The conversation that followed was clearly orchestrated by God. I struggled to talk fighting back tears. I quickly thanked her with a huge frog in my throat and hung up the phone and bawled.

I've been fighting God for months with this, and I seemingly had no clue. Because my concerns seemed 0h-so valid. Ugh.
Bottom line...I've not been setting out to serve my husband in this.
I've not been setting out to serve my children here.
This has been about me.
Gulp, sniff, bawl like a baby.
My goodness. God put my name on the heart of sweet Alli yesterday and she couldn't shake it. So she found my number and called me. She thought she was calling to see if we needed help finding housing (you know, 'cause that's what I have been blaming this on).
But I told her that last night we got an email from Colorado saying they secured a 2 bedroom apartment for us and it was close to everything.
She replied, "Well I thought you would have told me you were set then, you were going!" But I didn't. I was still struggling.
The conversation that followed is what made me so emotional. Blake needed me there. My kids needed Blake with them. Three months is long to these kids. Three months is a long time for a marriage!!! Why was I not doing this?
I know, to all of you, it's a "duh" decision. But for me, it's heart wrenching to admit that I wasn't choosing to serve my husband, but choosing what seemed easier for me. I wasn't choosing what would be best for my children and serving them...I was being fearful and not looking to God.

So, tonight I know one thing...we are ALL going to Aspen together. Our precious daddy who chooses to serve us with a job that is trying, needs our faces to come home to everyday. I have no idea how any of this is going to work out, but I choose to trust my God with each and every detail.

Thanks for the prayers and constant encouragement. Thanks for hanging in there with a low picture post!!!!


Jamila said...

I'm proud of you. I can't wait to see how God uses this Aspen season ( it's going to be oh so fruitful!)

Melodie said...

well, another decision behind you. and one your can feel confident in that God has guided. amazing! thanks for sharing your heart. i love your honesty. have i mentioned how i'm going to miss you and your family when we head south? we'll always have blogs . . . :(

Fether said...

Oh my goodness...what a Busy day indeed! Such a rollercoaster for you!
Molly there is no doubt that you were waiting for a clear message from the Lord on what you were to do with Aspen..even if you "think" dismissing it meant it was a done deal. So glad He revealed that to you....excited to see what He has in store for the Shockley's!
And stoked to hear Cooper's Law is coming into place...and you did fine explaining it :)

Anonymous said...

Oh, Molly!! I'm so glad to get to read the blog and get caught up with your day!! So thankful your decision is made and although we would have loved to have had you all in OK, or even with us, I am so glad you will all be with Blake! I couldn't imagine you all being apart... So thankful for the way God is using you and know He has a plan for Aspen for the Shockleys! You know we will help get you there, come to visit and help bring you home! Let's get it on the calendar! Love, Mom

Becki Francy said...

I am so proud of you. I am so thankful you made the decision to go. Know we are all there, sometimes we forget who we are supposed to be taking care of. And come on, give yourself a break. As a mom - it seems like we are always taking care of other people....and no one is taking care of us. So thankful for Ali. Wow- so good of her to follow God's nudging in her heart. And I know Blake couldn't make it a day without those precious four faces!
Love you sister, so proud of you.

Charissa said...

OK. Explain Aspen? Sorry what did I miss?

Betty S. said...

You and the kids need to be with Blake and it is the right decision for you to go to Aspen. Yes you will be missed but it is 3 months and we will stay in touch and when you get back we will get you back involved with CHOOSEN. We all need some time away. 8-) love ya.

brittany said...

Hi Molly!! My name is Brittany and I have read your blog many times!!! I also live in Edmond and am getting ready to adopt a baby girl that will be born oct 8. She will be African American as well. My husband and I have 3 biological children of our own and last April we adopted a baby boy whom is half Mexican and half puerto rican!!! I really enjoy reading your blog. I feel we will be going through a lot of the same things in life!!! I would love to talk to you sometime about things and the ministry!! When you get a change email me if you would like. My email is brittanyfaulkner@yahoo.com. Thanks. Brittany

Al's World said...

Molly, thank you for being so open and honest..I am so glad to know that I am not the only one who has 3 year old moments! I am proud of you for being open when God is telling you through others and following Him faithfully. You are one awesome person Molly! I love you!