"So promise me you'll never forget...that you aren't an accident or an incident...you are a gift to the world, a divine work of art, signed by God. You were deliberately planned, specifically gifted, and lovingly positioned on this earth...Flooded by emotion, overcome by pride, the Starmaker turns to us, one by one, and says, 'You are my child. I love you dearly.'" Max Lucado, God Thinks You're Wonderful







Thursday, October 15, 2009

Hmmmm?

Cutest bath full-o-kids EVER!

Sadie looking ever so cute in her hooded coat and boots!


Just wanted to touch base about today.

Not sure that anyone is on the edge of their seat waiting for this, but still.

So many of you have been so good at praying for us and Cooper's Law.

You deserve to know how today went.
The hard part is that I didn't expect that it would be received with great enthusiasm. I knew that.

But I also didn't expect what happened today. We walked out of the room feeling beaten down.



To be quite honest, I think I blocked lots of it out. Maybe that was God protecting my heart.

Mandy and I enjoyed sharing our story together...it was wonderful to say the least just standing up there together.
But then came questions and concerns...some of which were valid (fear of coercion) and some that just made me sad.
I won't go into detail because my point in this is not to offend anyone.

I thank God that Mandy was brave enough to join me today, because if I was standing up there alone...I wouldn't have had an audience at all. I was so proud of her. She was a champ. There were times I could tell it was hard to hear the things others were saying...those that had never been in her shoes telling her that she just didn't "receive the questions" as they were intended to protect her.
I thank God that Becki was there today as she was able to answer so many legal questions that I could not have (and also that she responds better to this type of situation!). There were several things said in response to our law that just were not true, and Becki knew it and identified the fact on the spot. She was good!
My parents were there too, and I was so proud of them knowing that it had to be hard watching two of their daughters and Mandy (whom they think is theirs too!) get grilled relentlessly.

Seriously....no one spoke up on our behalf. No one seemed to agree.

As hard as this was to take, I still felt God's presence and that we were where we were needed today. Mandy felt the same. I don't feel like this is the end. It might be. But I am staying strong and praying hard that God will show us what we are to do here.

**If any of you are close friends and want to know more details please email me. I am being vague here for a reason. Please keep this covered in your prayers.**

12 comments:

Lisa said...

Wanted to let you know I am thinking of you tonight, and wondering how things went today? I started my Foster classes this week, and I have to tell you I nearly got on a soap box tonight when these other families want to talk about how bad the birth moms are, it seemed that the Kinship families were the most upset. When I think of these situations I think of the precious children, and the fact that these birth moms gave them life. Bad things happen to good people, and we all make mistakes.Right? I really feel we all need to come together for the children. We only get once chance at childhood!

Melodie said...

goodness, yuck! 1st, yes cutest bath full-o-kids EVER! 2nd, am i a close friend? ;) email me, i want to know! i guess i don't understand all of the concerns since i know first hand 2 states that do it differently than OK. texas and colorado and i am sure many more. i would love for you to fill me in on what really happened today. sorry you left feeling so beaten.

Betty Spaulding said...

Hi Molly, I am sad for you and Mandy for what you all went thru today. I am glad that you had your family with you for the support and we are here also to support you. It is hard for those of us who do not know what one goes thru when they adopt and realize that their are so many people involved in the process. We love you ! keep us updated.

mom2many said...

Molly, just remember that these people just don't know. I don't know exactly what was said, or who was there to oppose you, but God laid this on your heart...until HE takes it away, you need to keep moving forward. We both know that the laws we have now are not working and that at least one baby ("E's") is now in DHS custody instead of in a forever home because of it. Be strong and don't let the enemy get you down. (I would love to know what happened...)

norma murphy said...

OK, now... I was at the meeting too! I was so proud of you and Mandy! You did an awesome job of sharing your experiences and hearts! I know that, behind closed doors, the discussion was much more positive than you might have thought... It was obvious that some just DID NOT GET IT... (Truly, some needed recovery to deal with their own issues!) We must remember that, as you said-God is the author of adoption! He is all about loving and caring for the children and all those involved, including the birthmoms! Thanks for being their advocate, Molly! Love, Mom

Blessed said...

I am so sorry! I would love to know but I know I am not a close friend...justa blogger who adores you and thinks you are one incredible mommy and I admire how amazing you are!

If you feel like emailing please do if not no worries at all and I will def say pryares for all involved andfor the Lord's hand in Cooper's Law

*Peach* said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Molly said...

Peach, I agree that adoptees experience profound loss. But I firmly believe that God can heal that wound/loss. And I agree that adoption is not simple...I thought I stated that clearly that it never will be. I wondered if that was you, so thank you for identifying yourself. I was sad to hear your comment to me and our proposal as you thought your birthmother owed that to you. We are not taking that away...she could still do that if she wanted to. I also guess I don't understand how going to court makes her placement more honorable. To me, the fact that she chose life for you is honorable. I also was sad that you didn't find hearing from a birthmother to be helpful...why disregard what she was saying? I realize this law ADDITION won't fit every birth mom situation, but that's why we have asked to still give them a choice to go to court if they WANT. This is VERY different from what the other 39 states are doing where they aren't given that option.

I am not sure why I am even saying any of this, I don't think I am going to open your eyes. But since this is my blog... It's just stuff I thought about after leaving...I didn't want to disrespect you at the meeting and I hope you felt and feel respected. I don't want to cause ANYONE in the adoption triad more pain...that is our point here. Adoption is painful and we can't get around that, but we've heard birthmoms speak of the current law actually causing more pain and distress.

I promise to keep praying about this and ask God for guidance here. I pray that you will do the same. I pray that you can read this and understand that I am speaking out of love.

*Peach* said...

Molly,
I appreciate the dialogue about this. I didn't say that my birthmother "owed me". I stated that it is not too much to ask of birthmothers to appear before a Judge when they are making such an important decision. It isn't to make it harder on birthmothers. It is to protect them. There is too much opportunity for coercion and unethical practices if we eliminated the requirement for all birthmothers to appear before a Judge.

Al's World said...

First, I am so sorry that you and precious Mandy had to go through all of that. You are both sweet, gentle souls (even though I don't know Mandy, she would have to be to give you your precious boys). Stay strong like you are and know you are protected with a sheild of prayers right now. Second, I cannot tell you how proud you make those around you. You aren't sitting in the sidelines waiting for someone else to act, you are acting on the Holy Spirit's calling and I am proud to call you friend. Love you and will be praying and praying. If you ever need to vent, I will be more than glad to have a listening ear.

Amanda said...

Wow, Molly. I almost don't know what to say. (I'm Amanda, by the way, Melodie's sister). I think it's possible that a lot of people don't understand just how much adoption has changed in the past 20 years. At this point, there is 1.)no real stigma on single moms. So women are not, for the most part, choosing to place their children because of that 2.)birthmoms are seeking out and choosing an adoption agency. 3.)that agency is presenting them with their alternatives. 4.)if they CHOOSE adoption they are going through adoptive family profiles and CHOOSING the family their baby will go into. 5.) They are making a hospital plan and deciding who will be there, when things will happen, how involved they want the family, etc, and 6.)being told that they have the opportunity to have an open adoption in which they can be a presence in that child's life forever.

Pair that with the fact that I just took my third adopted child home from the hospital yesterday and, on the way out, received the tightest hug from her birthmother who whispered in my ear over and over, "thank you, thank you, thank you."

It just seems like the farthest thing from coercion these days. Besides, if expedited termination is only an option, and not a requirement, I guess I just fail to see what the problem is.

I also come at this from the perspective of someone who worked as a birthparent counselor for a while...before Colorado had expediting options. Birthmothers were terrified, and horrified to have to stand and repeat to strangers, why they made these very private, emotional decisions. It was, easily, they worst part of my job because the birthmoms hated it so much. It felt so dishonoring to them to have someone say, "but are you sure?" in a million different ways during that hearing. And, it was like ripping open a wound that had only just started to heal.

Press on, Molly. We will be praying.

P.S. Pop on over to my blog and meet my newest little sweetie! :)

Keith and Judy said...

Molly,
You are an awesome lady after God's heart. I am so proud of your obedience to God's calling in being a Mom and being sensitive to birthmoms and their needs. God allowed you to see the need for a change and try to change it. God is so perfectly in control! Thank you for being brave and being willing to step out of your comfort zone. Hugs to you and to Mandy! Remember that God has ordained your path and He will bring to pass what He chooses. Maybe the results you expect to see will come, and maybe He is working things a different way. Trust Him completely.
And you, my sweet friend, are a blessing!
Judy