"So promise me you'll never forget...that you aren't an accident or an incident...you are a gift to the world, a divine work of art, signed by God. You were deliberately planned, specifically gifted, and lovingly positioned on this earth...Flooded by emotion, overcome by pride, the Starmaker turns to us, one by one, and says, 'You are my child. I love you dearly.'" Max Lucado, God Thinks You're Wonderful

Monday, January 26, 2009

Chosen Hand

I am feeling the need to have a post on adoption...I know, SHOCKER!

The other day, Cooper was having a hard time falling asleep during naps. I heard some wrestling around and peeked in to find him flipping through some of his books in bed. As I was picking up the books, I found he had stashed a picture frame of Mandy, Blake and I that was taken the first time that we met her. She was 36 weeks pregnant with our pumpkin, Owen!

I asked Cooper if he missed Mandy and he shook his head yes.

I asked him if he thought about her a lot, again he shook his head yes.

I kissed his head and told him that I missed her too and perhaps we should call her or draw a picture for her.

It was such a sweet moment.

In our adoption classes they talked about how important our child's birth parents will be to them. This was something we understood, but it is difficult for some adoptive parents to accept. If you get down to the root of that idea (not accepting that bond between child and birth parents) its pride and fear. I truly believe if you want to have a healthy adoption, the adoptive parents have to work through these feelings.

We also learned that most adoptees think about their birth parents EVERYDAY! I think its easy to get busy and forget to talk to them about their birth parents. It's easy to put them to bed and forget they might be missing them, wondering about them, questioning that relationship.

Blake and I feel like we do a good job talking to the boys about their adoption and their birth parents. But this was a great reminder that we need to separate them and discuss it. It reminded me to discuss them when things are quiet and calm and their minds wander.

Later that night before bed, they both wanted to sleep with their own picture of Mandy. I can't even begin to describe the love that I have for this woman and how thankful I am that these boys love her and appreciate her too.

If you are an adoptive parent, I encourage you to read "Twenty Things Adoptive Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew" by Sherrie Eldridge. It is amazing to say the least. It just helps you to understand where they are coming from and how you can help them to deal with possible issues they may face. I even gave it to my mom, mother-in-law, and one of my sister's to read. It's an incredible resource.

I also have another great book of hers called "Forever Fingerprints" that is written for children about 4 years and older. I cry every time I read it to the boys!

Another reason I have been wanting to do this post is that I have "met" so many blogger friends that are "waiting" to be chosen, or have recently been chosen and are waiting on their bundles of joy. I have church friends who are just starting the process and feeling the intense excitement coupled with a touch of fear. I hear stories daily of people that are wondering if God is calling them to adopt and love getting to know more about this journey through ours!

I love being able to share our stories. I love learning more from you all!

It's so exciting to me to hear so much talk of adoption. So, I had to share these thoughts! Please know that we are praying for so many of you as you are walking in this journey with us!

I got this in a package in the mail from a dear friend. I thought you all would love it too! It is a sweet charm with a card enclosed that reads:

Chosen Hand
The Gift of Adoption
Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift. II Corinthians 9:15

For a child you prayed
He heard the request
And that of the birth Mother
who wanted the best
The prayers of each other
He merged together
Directing our paths
He brought us together
From His own hand into yours
God created me
Then you chose to take me
A parents love birth deep
in your heart
Our lives are now blessed
thanks be to God
for knowing what's best.
For the Might One has done great things for me, and Holy is His name." Luke 1:49


kim said...

Ahhhhh, I love your posts on adoption!!

I have been fielding alot of questions regarding our adoption lately and love your refreshing, honest, yet loving tone! I get asked all the time, "how much contact do you HAVE to have with the birth mom?" I guess the question rubs me the wrong way, because they always emphasize HAVE! It is so nice to hear from you, a momma who totally embrasses open adoption!

Thanks again for the great post!

mom2many said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
bsjones7 said...

Thanks so much for the post. Caleb is still too young to understand who Megan is, however we tell him all about her often and enjoy our visits with her. The thing we are trying to figure out right now is she is about to have a baby, it will be interesting to see how she interacts with Caleb after that she has her second child. Thanks for reminding us that he will have thoughts as he gets older more often than we think he will. I love the book Forever Fingerprints, we got it a few months ago and read it already even though Caleb doesnt understand yet.

Kristy said...

I love your stories on adoption also and love your book suggestions! I'm always thinking about Aarons birthmom and talk to her about once a month I so pray for her because shes still so lost.

Fether said...

Molly...such a loving post. It is neat to see the bond they have w/ Mandy and so amazing that you and Blake accept it so lovingly! You are amazing and Mandy is so blessed that her babies are so loved by God that He chose you for them!
Love you girl!

samsmom said...

Thanks for this post Molly. We pray for our birth mom every day. Unfortunately the only contact we will have with her is a letter we send once a year to update her.

I LOVE the charm. Do you know where your friend got it?

Also, thanks for the book suggestions...we are just at the beginning with Samuel, but have already written a book for him telling him his whole story.

Becki Francy said...

I am so proud to be your sister. All I can think to say and it truely sums it up......You are so like Christ....I don't need to say more....

Samantha said...

Molly, I have chills friend!

I love learning from you and cannot wait until the day that I can also put these lessons into action.

Thank you for being so open and transparent with us too!

Shelley said...

Thank you Molly. Sigh. Sniff. Keith and I have to put together a list of questions to ask Y and Z's remaining birth family when we get the ONE chance to meet them. In Ethiopia, we will travel four hours one-way, with a group of other adoptive parents. We get to take pictures. The kids do not travel with us on this part of our trip.

Our Z is 4... she will have the hardest time, as she will be grieving and missing her family in a different language.
I realize I should post about this on my own blog... it's just so hard to find words for.

Thanks for helping me find the words -- that the first family to our babies will always be part of our family.

Stacey M said...


Hello...you do not know me, but I read your sleep comments on the Sit a Spell blog on the "What would you do Wednesday?" entry and I have to ask you how in the world you got your kids to sleep so much. I have an 18 month old son, who has always been a wonderful sleeper in that he went to sleep on his own and stayed asleep all night from early on. If he did wake as an infant, he could put himself back to sleep and I'm thankful that I can count on one hand the number of times I've had to attend to him at night since he was about 3 months old. Now...my problem is that he doesn't sleep very long. He's only ever slept about 10 hours at night and now it's down to 9 hours every night and only a 1.5 - 2 hour nap a day. So that means a whopping 11.5 hours of sleep a day...well below the average for kids his age. The hardest thing is that I have NO time for myself, my house and most importantly my husband. I am also prego with number 2, due in September and am desperate to get him to do more sleep before I am exhausted all over again. Please help me and give me any advice you can on what you did to help you kids sleep that long. Thanks so much!

Stacey M said...


Thanks so much for your quick response. My one question is...how do you establish good sleep patterns in an 18 month old toddler? I've read Tracy's book the Baby Whisperer but feel that most of her stuff applies to infants and her toddler book doesn't touch much on sleep. Do you think I'm too late and should just start over again with the second?

A Growing Family said...

Hey Molly! I am excited to find your blog and glad you shared about adoption. Eddie and I have both wanted to adopt before we met each other or had our 4 precious kids.

I am so grateful to have been blessed to birth 4 children but know I still have a huge unfulfilled desire that will only be met when I hold my precious "chosen" child (or children) one day!


Susanna said...

Hi Molly, I don't know you, but I found your blog when I was "blog-hopping" (ADDICTIVE!) and have been learning so much about healthy adoption by reading your various posts. We are waiting for "the call" for a domestic/infant/transracial adoption and want to be as prepared as possible. I love the way you approach open adoption - so wonderful to see! Thanks for taking the time to write about all these things - it's a blessing to complete strangers like me. I've added your book recommendations to my reading list. Thanks again!! (Oh, and I'll be back to learn all about hair when the time comes. :)