I will just admit it. I have been in such a funk this week. It's made me mad. I am a happy girl. I love to giggle and be giddy. And it's hit me hard this week, the loss of Kennedy.
Funny, huh? That it took two weeks to set in. I think part of it is that I've been in denial. That awful thing that cycles through my brain about "what if he changes his mind". This has to be the hardest part about failed placements. There is no end to the wondering of how your child is. Yes, you place them in God's hands and trust that He will protect them. But this is a fallen world and people make choices and mistakes and children all too often deal with the consequences of that. If you've read Shack, you clearly understand that God doesn't always intervene to protect us, even children. I mean, we all know that, but that book just taught me so much more about what we are going through. And I know that I read it in January because God knew I would need those thoughts ever so fresh on my mind today.
God wants me to feel His deep and endless love for my family and for Kennedy. The David Crowder Band song How He Loves just keeps coming to my mind over and over...I love thinking about these words:
"And oh, how He loves us so
Oh how He loves us
How He loves us all
Yeah, He loves us"
He wants me to find deeper relationship with Him in this. I have been frustrated with my allowing sad thoughts to capture my mind in the quiet. Because truly things have been incredible...how could they not be? Chin.up.girl!
It's been the little things. We got her insurance card in the mail the other day. Her name looks so stinking cute all printed out with our last name. Ugh. I finally took the embroidering off her diaper bag and duffle bag. I am glad I did it, but whoa!!! It took hours of me just staring at her sweet name...just thinking about and praying for her.
But I know that this is a corner that needs to be passed, and with time and pursuing God in these moments...our hearts will continue to heal. C has asked some wonderful questions about our faith and beliefs. She is keeping in touch with us through text and it is SO good for my heart. She is beyond precious and she wants the best for us and is praying for us. How incredible is that? See...why am I sittin in this pit?
The rough spots have been passing, and honestly most of the time I am chipper and not faking it. We've been getting out to the zoo and science museum so that's helped a ton!They all LOVE this water table!
You gotta love a place that lets kids get on the exhibits! Notice how long our "baby" is? Mercy!
Notice how much she loves the puppet I am showing her, and then below how quickly she gets made because she can't get the thing off the stick to play with it! She is one committed little girl! Sadie found her sweet face in the mirror and she loved painting it!
She is smiling because I was telling her not to drink the water!
Oh man...I love that smile! He cracks me up!
This week I even took Sadie and Cooper to their well child visits we missed when we were in Aspen. Aren't these cute pics? They are SO cute together and like besties when O is not there. It's funny how dynamics change when one is away! Sadie got shots and actually kicked the nurse after she let her up! I was embarrassed but laughing at the same time. This little girl is a pistol!!!!