"So promise me you'll never forget...that you aren't an accident or an incident...you are a gift to the world, a divine work of art, signed by God. You were deliberately planned, specifically gifted, and lovingly positioned on this earth...Flooded by emotion, overcome by pride, the Starmaker turns to us, one by one, and says, 'You are my child. I love you dearly.'" Max Lucado, God Thinks You're Wonderful

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

I am here

My manly dude and his pink bag. Only strong men wear pink, right? I love it!

Is that not adorable? This is her first egg hunt and she did great!

My goodness, I still can't believe how big he is!

Whew. There is a reason for the lapse in posts. Not that anyone is waiting on pins and needles to read my rantings.
It's so weird not knowing who reads what and what should and shouldn't be posted, but here I am needing to get this out. I've held back a bit just to protect K and her story, so please excuse my vague-ness.
Last Wednesday we went to the agency and met baby K's birth mom C and took baby home with us. As incredible as it has been, we have known that it was a foster care placement until the details of the adoption worked themselves out.

On Thursday we got more news that pretty much shut the door on the possibility of us adopting her. We know that our God is a God of miracles so we've continued to pray that this would work out and we could adopt this sweet baby. All along we have asked God to show us what was right for K even if it caused us pain and loss.

We were blessed to have her with us over Easter weekend. It was beyond my wildest dreams. Even loading them all in the car has made my heart just jump...how blessed are we?

As Monday rolled around, we began to beg that God give us and her birth mom answers and direction. All 5 of us are deeply in love with this sweet baby, and we knew that with time it would only grow more intense.

We feel so worn out from the roller coaster ride with this placement over the last 6 weeks. She turned one month today and it's seriously been changing day to day. Blake and I talked this morning and we were both pleading that God would show us some direction...the unknown was wearing on us.
We got our answer yesterday; we are taking her to the agency this afternoon so that she can go home.

Mercy. I have only been able to get it together enough while the bigs are awake. They actually handled the news very well. We've told them we were baby sitting her for C. Every night Owen has asked if she is spending the night again, so after naps today I told him that she could only stay one more night. I explained in a cheery voice that she would go home to C tomorrow. He looked at baby and said, "Are you going home to your mama? She's a sweet and beautiful butterfly." Random yes, but I was just glad he was okay with it and not sad at all. He's even been calling me her mom, so I was glad to hear that he does understand they all have more than one mama.
So I sit here snuggling this pumpkin that several times we thought would be ours. I can't bring myself to put her down when I only have a little longer. Please continue to pray for her and the situation, it is beyond complicated. And just in case you are wondering...this is not a typical adoption placement. Our agency has been heart broken to watch it all unfold and they've been covering us all in prayer as we seek what is right here. They have stood next to us clinging to the promises of our Savior, as many of you have.

We have no doubt that God has great purpose in the events over the last 6 weeks. We may never know this side of Heaven what it was all for, but we do not doubt God's presence in this. We have felt him heal our hearts and literally carry us through this. We know He will do it again.

I keep hearing this song from Plumb called Beautiful History and I love this chorus:

“I am here
I’m holding you
You’ll make it through this
I am here
I am here”


Rob and Kathy said...

Well, some of us kinda are waiting on pins and needles for your posts. :) This one is heartwrenching because we can only imagine how you all are grieving right now. You and your whole family have given baby Kennedy so much love and prayer. That can never be taken away from you or Kennedy. You have created a "Kennedy Prayer Warrior's Club" as you have generously allowed us to walk this path with you. Whenever we think of your family, we will think of Kennedy and will keep all of you in our prayers. God bless you all for allowing yourselves to love with total abandon, even though you knew you could be hurt. We are SO proud of you and we KNOW that GOD IS! He knew that He could trust you to love this mother and baby, no matter what. God bless all involved. Love in Christ! Rob and Kathy

norma murphy said...

My heart breaks... But we believe in a God of miracles and I choose to believe we are due one! Will see you soon, sweetie! I'll be on my way soon... Will text you when I leave and you can call anytime! As difficult as adoption is at times, I am so thankful we've experienced it with you! It has changed our lives and taught us so much... Love, Mom

Jeremy and Melanie said...

Love you, dear friend. I am so sorry that your family is having to go through this, at the same time I know you feel in some ways that this has been a great honor to love C and K this way. You are doing a great job. I'm here if you need me!

Kara said...

Oh how my heart aches for you! I can only imagine how you are feeling! Please know that I am praying for you and for God's will to be done with your family and with C! How hard this must be for her too!

Kristin said...

I'm not sure if my previous comment posted, but just in case it didn't, thanks for sharing with us and I am praying for you. I realized you have no clue who I am but I check daily to see if you've posted. Your words just speak to me. Thank you!

Betty S. said...

Thank you for keeping us updated and i so look forward to reading your post and hearing about your family.. We will continue to pray for you and for K and C .. we love you so much .. hugs to you my friend.

Jana said...

Thank you for being so honest and sharing this journey. Prayers are going up for you guys!

Melodie said...

sorry friend. not the update i was hoping for. i'll continue to pray for that miracle.

Kathy Hitchcock said...

Molly, I am one of those you have no idea reads your blog! I am truly blessed by your testimony to God's faithfulness. I feel compelled to share a verse with you that jumped of the page for me today.

Deuteronomy 29:29
The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law.

I see you honoring this verse in your family's life. God will honor you for your faithfulness.

Jana said...

2 things:
1. If my big husband can wear a pink shirt to MC the SHBC Egg Hunt, I thinks it's OK for Cooper to carry a pink bag! :)

2. I am praying for you as you walk this path regarding K. I know you are heartbroken, but I am so proud of your for your constant faith & strength. It makes my heart smile to see those sweet kids who used to take care of my baby (who's now 14) taking care of their own babies.

Love you, sweetie!

Aubrey said...

Your Easter pics are precious! I'm so glad you all were able to have a memorable Easter. I am so sorry you have been on such an emotional roller coaster ride. You all have been so patient and loving through all of this! What an incredible foundation of love and security you have given sweet K! I don't know why God put you or baby K through this, but I can say that she will be one blessed little girl, having your prayers showered on her throughout her whole life. You have no idea the impact you will have throughout her life through the prayers that have been showered on her, the faith you have shown to her family and the absolute love you have given her. I pray God grants you peace and comfort through the next days to come and that He reveals his plan to you. I pray that he heals your hearts and prepares your hearts for what He has in store. Love you guys!!

Al's World said...

I love you so much precious friend. I love your whole family...I am so sorry you are going through this, but as your mom said blessings are coming your way. Kennedy will always be yours and God will continue to hold her in His arms and connect her to your family forever. Your entire family is in my prayers!