I am here

My manly dude and his pink bag. Only strong men wear pink, right? I love it!

Is that not adorable? This is her first egg hunt and she did great!

My goodness, I still can't believe how big he is!

Whew. There is a reason for the lapse in posts. Not that anyone is waiting on pins and needles to read my rantings.

It's so weird not knowing who reads what and what should and shouldn't be posted, but here I am needing to get this out. I've held back a bit just to protect K and her story, so please excuse my vague-ness.

Last Wednesday we went to the agency and met baby K's birth mom C and took baby home with us. As incredible as it has been, we have known that it was a foster care placement until the details of the adoption worked themselves out.

On Thursday we got more news that pretty much shut the door on the possibility of us adopting her. We know that our God is a God of miracles so we've continued to pray that this would work out and we could adopt this sweet baby. All along we have asked God to show us what was right for K even if it caused us pain and loss.

We were blessed to have her with us over Easter weekend. It was beyond my wildest dreams. Even loading them all in the car has made my heart just jump...how blessed are we?

As Monday rolled around, we began to beg that God give us and her birth mom answers and direction. All 5 of us are deeply in love with this sweet baby, and we knew that with time it would only grow more intense.

We feel so worn out from the roller coaster ride with this placement over the last 6 weeks. She turned one month today and it's seriously been changing day to day. Blake and I talked this morning and we were both pleading that God would show us some direction...the unknown was wearing on us.

We got our answer yesterday; we are taking her to the agency this afternoon so that she can go home.

Mercy. I have only been able to get it together enough while the bigs are awake. They actually handled the news very well. We've told them we were baby sitting her for C. Every night Owen has asked if she is spending the night again, so after naps today I told him that she could only stay one more night. I explained in a cheery voice that she would go home to C tomorrow. He looked at baby and said, "Are you going home to your mama? She's a sweet and beautiful butterfly." Random yes, but I was just glad he was okay with it and not sad at all. He's even been calling me her mom, so I was glad to hear that he does understand they all have more than one mama.

So I sit here snuggling this pumpkin that several times we thought would be ours. I can't bring myself to put her down when I only have a little longer. Please continue to pray for her and the situation, it is beyond complicated. And just in case you are wondering...this is not a typical adoption placement. Our agency has been heart broken to watch it all unfold and they've been covering us all in prayer as we seek what is right here. They have stood next to us clinging to the promises of our Savior, as many of you have.

We have no doubt that God has great purpose in the events over the last 6 weeks. We may never know this side of Heaven what it was all for, but we do not doubt God's presence in this. We have felt him heal our hearts and literally carry us through this. We know He will do it again.

I keep hearing this song from Plumb called Beautiful History and I love this chorus:

“I am here

I’m holding you

You’ll make it through this

I am here

I am here”