"So promise me you'll never forget...that you aren't an accident or an incident...you are a gift to the world, a divine work of art, signed by God. You were deliberately planned, specifically gifted, and lovingly positioned on this earth...Flooded by emotion, overcome by pride, the Starmaker turns to us, one by one, and says, 'You are my child. I love you dearly.'" Max Lucado, God Thinks You're Wonderful







Sunday, July 27, 2008

Silence

Silent, really?




Well, you know there's not really a lot of silence at our house. But what I mean is silence about the adoption. We've heard nothing for days now. We know that God is working and He's given us great peace and patience, but the silence is deafening.




But this is what I wanted. Adoption for me, for us, is very spiritual in so many ways. I was wanting this. To have to trust the Lord completely and be constantly in prayer. I yearned for it. So, here I am and now I want to just hear something. I want for someone to tell me something. I want to talk to Blake and try and figure out what's going on. But, he doesn't have the answer, I know that. No one does.




God is asking us to be still and wait. He wants me to quit looking to someone else or something else for the answer here. I want so badly to call Deaconess and seek answers. I know that's not what God wants me to do. They don't have the answers either.




Silence is golden?




Really? Is it?




As the days are growing closer to the c-section I know we will know something soon enough. I find myself on the verge of almost every emotion possible. But, I will never imagine what Brittanie's going through at this moment. How can I be so selfish to be focusing on my needs right now? I know it's sick but I am!




Lord help me to think of her needs more than mine. Help me to keep coming to you. Help me to LOVE this time right now where there's NOTHING I can do but talk to you and trust in you.




I love you all, all 6 readers out there!




I know you are sick to your stomach too wanting to hear something and hurting with us. Please help us to continue to rely on Christ and keep praying.




We do still feel such peace even with all of these other emotions. That's just as we have asked, that we would feel and experience a peace that passes all understanding. It doesn't make sense to have peace right now, but we are so grateful to have it.




Okay, so here are the curtains I made for Sadie's room. Don't get too excited, there nothing to oooh and aaaah about. Just needed something to darken the room and add a little jazz to the wall.
If you can't tell, they are black with white polka dots. I also worked a little more to finish her car seat cover. I changed it a little more because I couldn't find more of that fabulous fabric. I still love it though!

9 comments:

Stephanie Love said...

Katy,

You amaze me...it is such an honor to go through this with you!! When you wrote asking God to help you love this time where you can only depend on Him - WOW - your words touched and astounded me. I love it!

We will wait patiently in the silence with you. You, Blake and the boys are so bathed in prayer...my love and prayers for Brittanie will not stop; and Sadie Kate? I don't seem to go very few minutes without thoughts, prayers & excitement for my niece!

I LOVE YOU!!!
Steph

Becki Francy said...

Numbers 6: 24-26
24 ‘May the Lord bless you
and protect you.
25 May the Lord smile on you
and be gracious to you.
26 May the Lord show you his favor and give you his peace.’

I love you so much for sharing your struggles. So this above scriptures is my prayer for you. Who knew such good things came from Numbers??? I love you, Blake, Cooper (aka Pooper), Owen (Owie) and Sadie....we will continue to bring our concerns to the Lord...may we all feel his peace over the next few days....

Terra said...

Molly,
It's really kind of interesting that you blogged about silence today. I am tearing up reading this entry today. I have been dealing with a struggle myself (nothing compared to your situation), but just yesterday as I continued to pray about it I heard God say, just be still and trust in me. It's like I keep talking the situation to death and worrying about it and God says, "Just be still (silent) and trust!" He is amazing like that. It is a hard thing today in our society where we, well at least I do, expect answers immediately. I am sure you hear this from a million people, but you truly inspire me. Thank you for that! Love you!

Cara Canada said...

Molly, I have been keeping up with your process through your blog. I got your blog address off of your facebook page! I love reading other people's blogs! Please know I think of you often and am in prayer for you, your family and Brittanie as well. Your faith is outstanding and you have shown patience like no other! God has a plan and tells us that in Jeremiah 29:11.

Much love and prayer,
Cara
canadafamilyof5.blogspot.com

Courtney Connelly said...

Molly,

Your post today was beautifully written. Silence is so very difficult when all we want is answers, your words encouraged me to listen more in my life this week, thank you. Know your family is in my prayers!

Love,
Courtney

Al's World said...

Molly, Blake and boys:

You are in constant prayers, if it is this hard on me, I cannot imagine how hard it is on your precious family. You are loved and God is mighty and great and his will will be revealed. We pray for you, Britanie, and her unborn child that she has so wonderfully given to you all to love and raise!

Al's World said...

Molly, Blake and boys:

You are in constant prayers, if it is this hard on me, I cannot imagine how hard it is on your precious family. You are loved and God is mighty and great and his will will be revealed. We pray for you, Britanie, and her unborn child that she has so wonderfully given to you all to love and raise!

Shannon Stone said...

Hey Sweet Girl!

The thoughts you are sharing are so familiar to me. I have SO been there! I am feeling it all right along with you too! The good news is that it CAN'T be too much longer. This IS THE WEEK! Something WILL happen THIS WEEK. I'll bet you hear something today as a matter of fact...Something about the beginning of a new week, I'm sure it is dawning on Brittanie as well that "the time has come" to get on with what she has to do, that she seems to be putting off; quite understandably. If I were in her situation, knowing my personality to overthink things and put off big decisions until the last possible second, I am sure I would be doing the same thing she is doing. Bless her! I am aching for her every day.
I am really amazed that with 2 toddler boys at home, you are finding time to be crafty!! Amazing. I am truly impressed. And I LOVE your polka dot curtains. Damon isn't a polka dot fan (how crazy is that?) But I LOVE them! :)

We are staying tuned and praying for you all....

Much love,
Shannon

stephanie garcia said...

I happened upon your blog and beautiful family today. We too are a family through transracial adoption and currently in process to adopt two baby boys from Haiti. The "silence" as you described it, is deafening for us in this process and the lack of control is overwhelming. I find myself in much the state you must have been when you wrote this entry, knowing that I must depend on God and learn what He has for me through this, but finding it extremely hard! Thank you for sharing your heart. GOD bless, Stephanie